Demisexuality

The Bond and Sexual Attraction

While it is said that demisexuals feel sexual attraction and engage in sexual activity significantly less often than those who identify with more traditional sexual orientations, for this group the bond is most important, and with that bond, varying levels of sexual arousal can occur. The formation of bonds for this group varies with regard to time, at the individual level. Whereas some experience bonds almost immediately, for others it may take months or years to form bonds with another individual. For some in this group, sexual intimacy does not happen often, even after forming strong bonds. A bond is not synonymous with sexual attraction and does not guarantee sexual intimacy will occur, or that sexual attraction and a desire to engage in sex is even present. However, for others in this group, after the formation of a strong bond, there is a desire to engage in regular sexual activity.

Often demisexual and asexual individuals are grouped together, as many view demisexuality as a form of asexuality because of the lengthy time periods between forming relationships and engaging in sexual intimacy for demisexual people. Many consider demisexual people to be on the asexuality spectrum. Among those on the asexuality spectrum are asexuals, graysexuals, and demisexuals. The key difference between asexuality and demisexuality is the formation of bonds. As previously noted, whereas demisexuals experience sexual attraction only after a strong bond has formed, asexual people do not depend on a bond for sexual attraction and often do not experience sexual attraction even with the presence of an emotional bond.

A key difference between demisexual people and those who identify with more traditional sexual identities is the presences of sexual attraction, regardless of a strong emotional bond or the presence of a bond at all. Many with more often seen sexual identities experience sexual attraction or sexual desire simply based on physical attraction and do not need to know much about an individual to desire sexual activity. This is commonly seen among people who find celebrities sexually attractive, see attractive people on the job or in other superficial relationships and areas in their lives. While many may wait to engage in sexual activity, the waiting period is not based on the development of an emotional bond but rather on characteristics such as the need to know whether their desired person is nice or already partnered. Some may choose to wait for more personal reasons such as religious beliefs. Demisexuals may desire these or other characteristics, but they still must form a bond to consider mating with their partner.

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