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Tend-And-Befriend Response

In times of stress, humans and many animal species tend and befriend. Tending involves quieting and caring for offspring during stressful times, and befriending involves engaging the social network for help in responding to stress.

Background

Threatening circumstances trigger a cascade of neuroendocrine responses to stress, including engagement of the sympathetic nervous system and corticosteroids that mobilize a person or animal to cope with stress. Consequently, stress responses are heavily marked by physiological arousal. Historically, the prototypical response to stress has been regarded as fight or flight. That is, in response to a threat, arousal mobilizes the person to behave aggressively or assertively (fight), or flee or withdraw instead (flight). Contemporary manifestations of fight responses in humans assume the form of aggressive reactions to stressful circumstances, and flight responses are often manifested as social withdrawal or substance abuse, as through alcohol or drugs.

Although fight or flight is somewhat descriptive of human responses to stress, scientists have noted that social affiliation distinguishes human responses to stress as well, and it has long been known to protect against the adverse changes in mental and physical health that stress can produce. Social support from a partner, relative, friend, or coworkers and from social and community ties reliably reduces cardiovascular and neuroendocrine stress responses and psychological distress. Correspondingly, social isolation has been consistently tied to poor health and a higher risk of mortality in both animal and human studies. Taken together, these findings may account for the robust relations between social support and a lower likelihood of illness, faster recovery from illness, and greater longevity.

Further refining of these social responses to stress has led to the characterization “tend and befriend.” That is, the fight-or-flight response seems incomplete when one realizes that humans have few of the physical resources necessary to do either (e.g., sharp claws, speed). Instead, human survival has depended on group living. From an evolutionary standpoint, humans would not have survived had they not evolved ways of coping with stress that involved the protection of offspring from harm and group living to fend off threats and predators.

Gender Differences

The tend-and-befriend response to stress appears to be especially characteristic of females. Historically, females have had primary responsibility for the care of offspring, and consequently, the tend-and-befriend responses may have evolved in females especially in light of these selection pressures. That is, a female stands a better chance of protecting both herself and her immature offspring if she tends to those offspring and enlists the help of the social group for protection as well.

What is the evidence that tend-and-befriend characterizes females' responses to stress? Across the entire life cycle, girls and women are more likely to mobilize social support, especially from other females in times of stress. Compared to men, women seek out social contact more, they receive more social support, they provide more social support to others, and they are more satisfied by the support they receive. Whereas men also draw on social support, especially from their partners, women seek more social support from a broader array of sources, including friends and relatives, and these findings are consistent across many different cultures. The sex difference in women's seeking of social support in times of stress is modest in size but very robust.

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