Intimacy

Definition

Per social psychologists, intimacy refers to a process of interaction in which social partners, as a result of sharing personal and private thoughts and feelings, come to feel understood, appreciated, and cared for by each other. This definition is deliberately narrower than the many common language usages of this term. In everyday language, intimate and intimacy are often used as synonyms for closeness, sexual activity, love, marriage, privacy, or relatively intense forms of physical engagement (such as touching or standing very close to another person). When intimacy exists, each of these may or may not be involved. Consequently, and to eliminate confusion, researchers prefer to rely on the more precise definition.

Intimacy and Relationships

Intimacy is widely regarded as one of the key processes governing close relationships. Extensive theory and research indicate that the most gratifying close relationships are those characterized by a mutual sense of understanding, appreciation, and caring. Not coincidentally, people whose social networks possess high levels of intimacy tend to be happier and healthier, whereas the absence of intimacy tends to be associated with loneliness and other forms of emotional distress, and may even lead to the deterioration of health. The association between intimacy and emotional well-being is so fundamental that many theorists describe the capacity for participating in intimate relationships as a principle feature of successful personality development and maturity.

What characterizes the development of intimacy in a close relationship? The process typically begins with one person's self-disclosure of self-relevant material, which involves both words and the nonverbal cues accompanying them. The potential for fostering intimacy is greater when this material is personal, private (in the sense that one is highly selective about revealing it), and affective (concerned with feelings or capable of creating a significant emotional response). Nonverbal cues may contribute to intimacy by indicating the sender's affective state (e.g., a sad expression), by altering the meaning of words (e.g., a sarcastic smirk paired with a positive statement), or by regulating immediacy (e.g., leaning closer to or away from one's partner).

[Page 498]Of comparable significance to the unfolding of the intimacy process is the partner's response. Supportive responses encourage the growth of intimacy, whereas disinterested or critical responses are likely to inhibit its development. Partner responses provide signals (again involving both verbal and nonverbal content) that the self-discloser uses to infer whether the partner has understood the personal meaning of whatever was communicated, whether the partner values and appreciates the self-discloser, and whether the partner can be trusted to be caring. Of course, in the real-time ebb and flow of conversation, these exchanges are rapid, spontaneous, and complex, suggesting that there is considerable subjectivity in how self-disclosures and responses are interpreted. A large body of research has established that both the objective properties of these behaviors and the individual's idiosyncratic interpretations of the behaviors are influential.

Another important consideration is that the intimacy process is both recursive and reciprocal. That is, as each partner comes to trust the other's response to his or her self-revelations, each becomes increasingly willing to disclose personal thoughts and feelings to the partner. Typically, disclosers and responders swap roles back and forth, often repeatedly in the same conversation. An individual's experience as responder usually affects his or her subsequent willingness to be open with his or her own thoughts and feelings; similarly, each partner's perception of the other's responsiveness is likely to affect his or her own willingness to be responsive in turn to the partner. These principles illustrate the fundamentally interactive and interdependent nature of intimacy.

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