Forgiveness

Definition

Forgiveness refers to the act of decreasing negative feelings toward someone who has hurt or offended the self. Sometimes forgiveness entails replacing negative feelings with positive feelings. However, many researchers believe that the reduction of negative emotions is sufficient.

Scholarly definitions of forgiveness often do not align with definitions held by the lay public, and these different definitions have created confusion. Thus, many researchers who study forgiveness start their writings by describing what forgiveness is not. To forgive someone does not mean forgetting or downplaying an offense. It does not mean behaving in a weak or timid manner, failing to hold offenders accountable or pretending that no offense occurred. People can forgive without trusting their offenders or choosing to have close relationships with them. Forgiveness is best understood as an internal process: a change in emotions, motivations, and attitudes that often leads to behavioral changes.

Background

Prior to the mid-1990s, psychologists devoted almost no attention to the topic of forgiveness. Forgiveness was seen as intimately tied with religion and spirituality, and many scientists considered these topics to be off limits for empirical research. However, with the recent advent of the positive psychology movement, the study of forgiveness and other virtues has become a rapidly growing area within social psychology. Within the past decade, research on forgiveness has increased dramatically. Social psychologists have studied forgiveness using the perspectives of social exchange theory, self-regulation, and close relationship research, to name just a few.

Injustice, Anger, and Forgiveness

Angry feelings are a natural response to injustice. When people treat one another unfairly, they create what scholars call an injustice gap, a gap between the way that things are and the way that things would be if everything were fair. If people believe that they have been treated unfairly, they often ruminate about the offense, replaying it in their minds and becoming more angry. However, if the injustice gap can be closed in some way, anger tends to dissipate. Offenders can close the injustice gap themselves by apologizing or making restitution. Victims may also take matters into their own hands by seeking revenge, pursuing legal action, or confronting offenders with wrongdoing. Regardless of whether people take steps to restore justice, they may eventually decide to forgive the offense.

[Page 360]One might think of forgiveness as bridging the injustice gap. Obviously, bridging a small gap is easier than bridging a large gap. And, indeed, many studies show that forgiveness is easier when the sense of injustice gap is small, that is, when minor offenses are quickly followed by apologies, restitution, or both. Forgiveness is also more likely in close, committed relationships. When people value a relationship, they are more willing to make the effort to bridge the gap. But what if the gap remains large? What about damage that cannot be repaired, such as the murder of a loved one? What about heinous offenses by strangers, particularly those who remain unrepentant or even smug about their crimes? Without question, the task of forgiveness is extremely difficult in such cases.

Costs and Benefits of Forgiving

Why would people want to attempt forgiveness, knowing that it can be so difficult? Many people see forgiveness as a principled decision. Regardless of its pragmatic costs or benefits, they see forgiveness as an important personal value, perhaps even as a moral, spiritual, or religious imperative. It is crucial to note, however, that people may choose unforgiveness for principled reasons as well. They may believe that forgiveness is wrong in certain situations—if the other party is unrepentant, for example, or if the offense is seen as unforgivable. Or, at the level of personal values, a person might hold a grudge because the goal of forgiveness is secondary to other goals involving justice, self-protection, or social dominance.

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