Submissive

Psychologically speaking, a submissive, introverted individual is one who is often easy prey for those more inclined toward aggression. Many submissive adults receiving psychotherapy stated that, in childhood, they often felt a deep sense of shame, though they had done nothing wrong; likewise, they reported feeling guilty much of the time, for no apparent reason. In essence, beginning at an early age, submissives feel that no matter how hard they strive for success, they will always be at the bottom (many reported detesting team sports because they were always the last to be chosen), and while they may “play the game,” they know they will lose and that their performance will be embarrassing. Hence, the “way out” of a cruel existence is to seek love, compassion, and protection from those who are stronger.

Low self-esteem is a universal personality trait for submissive individuals. They dread having any demands made upon them for fear that their incompetence will be on display for everyone to see, even if the potential reward is substantial—a primary reason few submissives are found in positions of power or authority. In romantic attachments, they tend to be “needy,” requiring much love and affection in order to overcome their self-doubts, while placing any hopes for future happiness and success in the hands of the loved one. Due to their never-ending quest for love, happiness, and security in the arms of someone strong, submissives are often vulnerable to physical and emotional abuse. In general, they are willing to suffer degradation if they feel that the loved one (or boss, protector, friend, etc.) will take care of them. Sadly, many of the battered and abused seeking treatment at human service agencies are submissives.

Surprisingly, many submissive individuals possess an aggressive side as well, though it is completely submerged. However, if he or she is continually frustrated by never receiving the desired love or protection, then an all-consuming vindictive rage may erupt. If such an incident occurs, those accustomed to seeing the individual as shy, retiring, and quiet are likely to be shocked at the ferocity displayed. It usually takes years of disappointment for someone with this type of personality to “explode,” and because it takes little positive reinforcement for a submissive to feel better about himself or herself and/or the situation he or she might be in, the extreme version of this scenario does not take place often.

Being submissive is not, in and of itself, a problem; it only becomes so when an individual feels [Page 646]unhappy about how his or her life has transpired. With proper therapy, submissives can change and live their lives assertively.