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Maternal Authenticity

Authenticity is an ethical term that denotes being true to oneself, as in making decisions that are consistent with one's own beliefs and values. In contrast, inauthenticity is generally understood to be an abdication of one's own authority and a loss of integrity. Mothers face the challenge of authenticity as they attempt to remain true to their own values while facing social expectations of ideal womanhood and motherhood.

In maternal theory, there are two main sources of discussions of authenticity: Sara Ruddick addresses the theme of maternal authenticity in her book, Maternal Thinking, in relation to the demand that mothers raise children who are socially acceptable; and Andrea O'Reilly explores the particular dilemma that feminist mothers face as they explicitly reject patriarchal standards of social acceptability. Authenticity as a moral ideal has its roots in 20th-century existentialist philosophy.

Ruddick: The Conscientious Mother

Sara Ruddick claims that one of a mother's fundamental duties is to train her children to be socially acceptable. However, a conflict may exist between the mother's own idea of acceptable behavior and the expectations of her society. She may feel torn between the pressure to conform to social norms and the duty to meet the needs of her children. In this situation, a mother's values and integrity are challenged.

If a mother feels the pressure of being judged by others, and begins to lose confidence in her own values as well as in her own understanding of what her children need, she may sacrifice her maternal authority. She may look outside of herself for answers and even accept them without questioning. Ruddick calls this submission to an external value system inauthenticity. Maternal inauthenticity comes in degrees: from an occasional act of submission, to a habit of regularly submitting, to actively defending the external values to which one submits.

In contrast, Ruddick describes the authentic “conscientious mother” as someone who has independence of mind and the courage to stand up to dominant values. She acts according to her own conscience, trusting her own perceptions of what her children need and her own authority to make decisions. Realizing there are no easy answers, she takes on the challenge of helping her children learn when it is appropriate to listen to authority and when it is appropriate to rebel. She helps her children develop their own consciences and their powers of reflective judgment.

O'Reilly: The Authentic Feminist Mother

According to Andrea O'Reilly, an authentic feminist mother is truthful about motherhood. She rejects the normative expectations of patriarchal culture that pressure women to pretend that they are perfect, serene, and all-knowing. Instead, she tells the truth about the real chaos and complexity of mothering, and refuses to wear the mask of false perfection. She does not follow the socially prescribed script, and she acknowledges that a woman has a life and an identity beyond motherhood.

Second, according to O'Reilly, an authentic feminist mother remains true to herself in motherhood. But this poses a special challenge: while she senses a duty to raise children who are socially acceptable, the feminist mother also questions the norms of social acceptability as defined by patriarchal culture. She must find a way to remain true to her values while also teaching her children how to live in a culture that she rejects. She must help her children learn when to rebel and when to submit to the dominant cultural values, perhaps even for the sake of their own safety. O'Reilly suggests that feminist mothers might aim to raise their children to be socially acceptable to a feminist culture rather than to the dominant patriarchal one.

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