Idealization of Motherhood

Several things happen when something is idealized. First, it begins to exist only as an idea. Second, when something is regarded as ideal, it becomes dichotomous: right or wrong; good or bad. In the case of the idealization of motherhood, both of these happen. As the idea of the perfect mother permeates the culture, a disconnect occurs between this myth of mother and the realities of everyday life. Also, when an ideal is culturally agreed upon, as is the idea of the perfect mother, then one either succeeds or fails. A woman is a good mother, or a bad mother.

Adrienne Rich wrote of being “haunted by the stereotype of the mother whose love is unconditional” as depicted above.

In contemporary Western culture, motherhood has come to exist primarily as an idea. Various works have referred to the idealization of motherhood as the good mother, the perfect mother, intensive mothering, new momism, or the mommy mystique. Scrutinizing the ideas that construct contemporary motherhood reveals the disjuncture between the myth and everyday life. Ann Oakley wrote that the idealized mother is one who craves motherhood instinctively. It assumes that motherhood is the natural course for women and that her identity will hinge on her status as mother; therefore, the childless woman is regarded with suspicion. It also sets the stage for guilt and shame when a new mother does not enjoy every aspect of mothering.