Becoming a Mother

Identity and Ideals

By definition, identity provides connections to established groups, and is constructed of a set of values and norms. Mothering values and norms are developed through the experience of having been mothered; community, social, and religious norms; and observing mothers in everyday situations and in the media. The specific impact of norms and values on a mother's identity will depend on how similarly she views herself in relationship to other mothers in her social group on factors such as age, locality, working status, and socioeconomic status. Further, the meaning individual women may assign to any social difference may vary. For instance, how a woman becoming a mother later in life might identify her maternal role depends in part on her judgments of other mothers.

Throughout life, an individual's identity constantly evolves—incorporating, adapting, and/or shifting between values and norms to create a working self-concept. Similarly, the mother's identity shifts and changes as her child transitions through major developmental phases—infancy to toddler-hood, preschool age, early childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood. Maternal identity changes associated with the growth of the child may depend on the social context of the child, the acquisition of new skills, and the development of confidence with each new mothering challenge. Mothering identity can also change as a result of partner status and/or the addition of more children.

The values and norms of “ideal” mothering can be in direct conflict with any number of other characteristics mothers value on an individual basis, such as autonomy, career identity, relationships to authority, femininity/masculinity, and so on. Androgynous women may have difficulty reconciling socially defined expectations of mothering as a feminine act with their own self-concepts, particularly if their partners hold traditional views of mothering and femininity. In Western cultures, women face a particularly daunting task of reconciling flexible gender roles and the independence of adulthood with the selflessness or self-sacrifice of parenting.

A Mother's Identity: Biological and Adoptive

For biological mothers, self-identification as a mother can occur at any time from preconception through the postpartum period. Attachment with the developing fetus or newborn may have an impact on this identity shift. Nine events may impact attachment, including: (1) pregnancy planning; (2) pregnancy confirmation; (3) acceptance of the pregnancy; (4) experiencing fetal movement; (5) acceptance of the fetus as an individual; (6) birth; (7) seeing [Page 106]the newborn; (8) touching the newborn; and, (9) caring for the newborn. Through these nine events, the biological mother's bond with her child may shift and adjust with corresponding changes in her identification as a mother. In addition to personal events, social events such as baby showers, online mothers' groups, online pregnancy and child-development stage updates, telling family and friends about the pregnancy, “showing,” the purchase or borrowing of maternity clothes, and other social experiences are likely to contribute to women's experiences of becoming mothers.

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