Ambivalence, Maternal

Psychological Perspectives

The psychological understanding of maternal ambivalence is based on a presence of loving and hating feelings between a mother and an infant. In the works of psychoanalytic theorists like Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein, and Donald W. Winnicott, love and hate are rooted in the unconscious and can coexist. For the infant, feelings of ambivalence represent an important developmental step in the achievement of the separation from the mother. Mothers' ambivalence stems from the contradictory emotions that they experience in the relationship with the infant, from the process of their separation, and the fear of losing the child. According to the psychological theories, the contradictory feelings become problematic if they become unmanageable or if they are suppressed. A mother's awareness of the conflicted emotions can turn against her own self and result in an overwhelming sense of guilt and, possibly, depression.

The focus of traditional psychoanalysis, however, is primarily on the infant and the environment the mother creates for the child's psychological development. Contemporary psychotherapist Rozsika Parker, in her study on maternal ambivalence Torn in Two, extends this understanding and turns the attention to the significance of ambivalence for maternal psychological development. In this perspective, the achievement of ambivalence and a mother's awareness of the coexistence of love and hate for the baby can actually be beneficial, as it promotes a sense of concern and responsibility toward the baby and a mother's sense of self-autonomy. [Page 51]Manageable ambivalence thus enables the mother to form a more fulfilling relationship with the baby. However, unmanageable ambivalence can develop into anxiety or depression due to cultural idealization of mothers. Since every mother has a desire to be considered a “good mother,” and experiencing anger and negative emotions toward the child is not a part of the “good mother” image, awareness of the contradictory feelings can increase the anxiety and guilt mothers feel about motherhood. The psychological relationship based on love and hate is thus also shaped by social and cultural conditions of mothering and the internalized image of a “good mother,” which women try to achieve.

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