Transgressions

Defining Relational Transgressions

Although most people know intuitively what a relational transgression is, scholars use specific definitions to guide their research. The most widely used definition is that relational transgressions are behaviors that violate implicit or explicit

norms or rules that constitute the definitional terms of a relationship. Implicit norms and rules are not formally negotiated; they are simply the taken-for-granted assumptions that guide expectations for appropriate behaviors in most relationships (e.g., we will not say hurtful things, we will not display violent behavior, we will provide emotional support when needed). Explicit norms and rules are established as relationships develop or ambiguous definitions are negotiated (e.g., a dating couple makes an explicit commitment to be sexually and emotionally exclusive or cross-sex friends agree to have sex but not display jealousy if one partner begins dating). Explicit norms and rules are also established when some event requires a couple to clarify expectations (e.g., an ex-partner reappears and a rule is established that he or she is not to be included in the partner's social network).

Importantly, these norms and rules are not simply regulatory guides for appropriate behavior. They are the defining features (or definitional terms) of close relationships. That is, whether explicitly acknowledged or not, the assumption that a certain set of expectations will be met, like a “moral code,” is the basis of trust in another person. When trust is established and maintained, we feel safe and become open with our thoughts and feelings. This openness contributes to the special feelings we call relational closeness or intimacy. Ironically, the emotional vulnerability that follows the development of trust also opens partners to the painful consequences of a transgression when trust is violated. Indeed, some scholars prefer to use the term betrayal rather than transgression to underscore the role of broken trust.

In sum, when scholars study relational transgressions, they are studying behaviors, actions, and messages that violate the norms and rules that underlie assumptions that a particular other person can be trusted—trusted to protect the relationship, show goodwill, keep private information private, and privilege the relationship as special. This perspective allows researchers to separate “bad behavior” from true transgressions. For example, some people are chronically late. This behavior may be annoying to network members, but would not be considered a relational transgression because it does not violate implicit or explicit norms or rules that are part of a relationship's definition.

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