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Sibling Relationships

A sibling relationship is a relationship one has with a sister or brother who have one or both parents in common. The relationship between siblings is enduring, lasting from birth to old age, and is longer than the relationship with parents, spouses, or children. In the United States, approximately 80 percent of children have at least one sibling, and children spend most of their time with siblings (33 percent) as opposed to time spent alone (12 percent), with peers (13 percent), or parents (23 percent mothers, 19 percent fathers). Sisters and brothers spend a great deal of time together and serve as each other's first companions and playmates. The sibling relationship may be considered a relationship that affords children the opportunity to learn and develop socially, emotionally, and cognitively. This entry focuses on several aspects of multifaceted and complex relationship between siblings. The entry begins with a discussion of positive and negative sibling relationships, sibling rivalry, and how families might be able to manage sibling conflict. It then reviews research and theory on parental favoritism, as well as different family forms, and concludes by considering the benefits of sibling relationships.

Positive Sibling Relationships

There is considerable variability in sibling relationships; some are filled with warmth, affection, and involvement, whereas others are riddled with conflict, hostility, and rivalry. How well siblings get along can have an important impact on a child's development. As siblings interact with one another, some develop a relationship characterized by prosocial interactions and nurturance, whereas others may be more antisocial. Prosocial behavior occurs when someone acts to help another person, particularly when they have no goal other than to help that person. Children with warm and caring sibling relationships are generally friendlier and share more with their sisters and brothers in childhood, and as they age and mature, they can become competent teachers for younger siblings. Older siblings can provide support to younger siblings when they are sad or hurt. They can utilize social control over younger siblings and encourage prosocial behaviors. Social control refers to societal mechanisms regulating behavior that leads to conformity and/or compliance.

Many children today live in households where both parents work outside the home, sometimes leaving siblings home alone to fend for themselves. Older siblings often assume a nurturing role and take on the responsibility of teacher, manager, and helper for their younger siblings. Teaching a younger sibling to express feelings and communicate emotions can help siblings develop a positive relationship with one another. Each sibling influences the development of the other and vice versa through social interchanges. In these ways, older siblings can help shape the social and emotional development of a younger sibling.

Negative Sibling Relationships and Rivalry

Sibling conflict and rivalry are two different concepts, and the motivations behind each differ considerably. Conflict is a normal aspect of social relationships and is defined by the exchanges or mutual opposition between two individuals, whereas rivalry reflects more of the competiveness for limited resources such as attention, time, love, and approval. Sibling conflict is not unusual, and high levels of conflict can set a negative tone to family life. Sibling violence is the most frequently occurring type of family violence, affecting about 70 percent of homes in the United States. Sibling relationships that are typically filled with intense hatred toward one another or those that are aggressive and destructive can have devastating consequences for the children involved. Children and adolescents in such hostile and aggressive relationships risk not only physical harm, but there are also serious psychological consequences such as low self-esteem, poor academic achievement, poorer peer relationships, conduct problems, feelings of loneliness, and sometimes even depression. There are two basic types of conflict. First, there is destructive conflict, which is characterized by high levels of negative affect and aggression. Destructive conflict can weaken and damage the sibling relationship. Second, there is constructive conflict, where siblings display low levels of negative affect and utilize conflict management skills to solve the problem at hand. Constructive conflict offers siblings opportunities to develop good problem-solving and conflict management skills that they can use in any relationship, including their sibling relationship. Sibling conflict also offers children and adolescents opportunities to learn to tolerate and regulate negative emotions. In this sense, we can look at sibling conflict as helpful because it has the potential to teach sisters and brothers how to manage conflict and how to regulate emotions in aversive situations.

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