Shared Activities

Companionship in Dating

Companionship is particularly important in the early stages of dating because it is a means by which partners discover each other's personality and their mutual interests. Research indicates that it is important for partners to have similar preferences for the same activities so that sharing activities will be mutually rewarding. If, for example, Jack thoroughly enjoys snow camping, whereas Jill prefers opera and the theater, it may be difficult for them to find mutually rewarding ways of spending time together, at least during the winter months.

The degree of involvement in dating also helps to determine the amount of companionship. Research shows that, as partners get more seriously involved, they increase the amount of shared activities. Early in relationships, partners continue to spend independent time with friends and family, but as partners become more seriously involved, they withdraw somewhat from interaction with friends and kin. This withdrawal is more intense from friends than from family because one of the important features of many committed dating relationships is the integration of the partner into one's family. Thus, as daters become more serious, they spend more time doing activities as a couple in the presence of family and friends.

Companionship as a Source of Tension in Dating

Although these changes occur naturally as daters become more committed, shared activities and time are a common source of tension. Individuals' own explanations for turning points in their dating relationships indicate that the partners' demands for each other's time frequently conflict with demands for time from family and friends. Such demands then interfere with and create conflicts within the relationship. Similarly, research on married couples shows that the more partners spend separate time with friends, the less satisfied they are with their marriages. Working out the tensions between time with romantic partners and time with social others is likely to be a prerequisite for moving toward more deeply committed and satisfying relationships.

Companionship in Marriage

Research clearly shows that once partners marry, pursuit of shared activities is generally beneficial to the marriage. It is well documented that the more time spouses spend together, the greater their marital satisfaction. It may be that happy spouses seek out each other's company, that sharing activities fuels satisfaction, or some combination of the two. In marriage, as in dating, the impact of shared activities also seems to be affected by each spouse's enjoyment of the activity. Wives become more dissatisfied with their marriages if they continue to engage in activities that their husbands like but they do not enjoy.

When Companionship is Difficult

Although the evidence is unequivocal that sharing rewarding activities is beneficial for close relationships, there are qualifications. Research shows, for example, that participation in joint activities is more central to the health of relationships for men than for women in both dating and marriage. Whereas men seem to evaluate the quality of their relationships on the basis of doing activities and having a companion, women seem to evaluate quality more in terms of talking about relationships. The nature of the activity also is important. Particularly satisfying to spouses is involvement in intensely interactive activities, such as eating out, as compared to passive or parallel activities (e.g., watching television). Participation in leisure activities that spouses find exciting also has a positive effect on satisfaction perhaps because it diminishes boredom in relationships. For both dating and marriage, the more partners participate in and prefer competitive sports and games, the less satisfied they are, possibly because competitive activities fuel power imbalances in relationships or violate traditional norms for what men and women prefer to do. In addition, the amount of communication during joint leisure time is related to marital satisfaction. When communication is high during joint leisure, marital satisfaction is greater. Thus, the benefit of joint activities seems to stem, in part, from the opportunities they provide for interaction.

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