Self-Expansion Model

Self-Expansion Motivation

According to the model, a central human motive is the desire to expand the self—to acquire whatever skills or resources that will enhance one's ability to accomplish one's always evolving goals. Rapid expansion of the self, as often occurs when forming a new romantic relationship (or learning a sport or exploring a new, interesting place), results in high levels of excited positive feelings. Rapid de-expansion of the self, as might occur with the sudden death of a spouse (or the onset of a physical handicap or being imprisoned), leads to intense negative feelings.

For a more concrete idea of what is meant by self-expansion in a close relationship, consider three items on a questionnaire developed by Gary Lewandowski and A. Aron: “How much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences?” “How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?” and “How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?”

On the surface, a self-expansion that involves including the other's resources in one's self may sound like the height of selfishness, as if one is taking resources from the other in order to accomplish one's own goals. But it is not, for several reasons. First, the motivation is usually not conscious. Second, when one is self-expanding by including another in the self, the other is generally having the same experience so that, as discussed below, their identities come to overlap. Thus, third, one is not taking from another, or even sharing resources with another, but rather in an important sense the other's resources are experienced as one's own because there is no longer an other person. The two persons are expanding to include each other so that they are becoming the same identity, with the same needs. For many purposes, they do act as separate persons and view each other that way, but they can also act as if they have fused their identities.

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