Self-Esteem, Effects on Relationships

A widespread belief in popular culture is that to truly love others, one must first love oneself. That is, global self-esteem—one's overall evaluation of and liking for oneself—must be high and secure. This entry examines research relevant to this belief. It concerns, first, the concept of self-esteem; then it addresses evidence concerning self-esteem and the initiation of new relationships and the quality of close relationships. Finally, it concerns mechanisms that may link self-esteem and relationship quality.

Typically, self-esteem is measured through a self-report questionnaire with items such as, “I am a worthy person.” This entry focuses on such traditionally measured self-esteem rather than on implicit self-esteem—feelings about the self that are beyond full awareness. This entry also focuses on (a) global self-esteem rather than on self-evaluations in specific domains (e.g., academic, social) and on (b) dispositional self-esteem, which has been shown to be quite stable over time rather than state self-esteem, which involves one's feelings about oneself at a particular moment. In most research on self-esteem, people classified as having low self-esteem (LSEs) do not truly dislike themselves; they view themselves positively, just less positively than do people with high self-esteem (HSEs). This entry also assumes that HSEs' positive self-views are genuine and secure—not falsely inflated or narcissistic—which probably would have different consequences for relationships.