Secret Tests of Relationship Status

Secret tests of relationship status are calculated strategies that individuals use to learn, often without asking, how another person feels about their friendship or romantic relationship. They are opportunities for an individual to intuit by the other person's reaction whether that person wants to continue or deepen the relationship. Leslie Baxter and William Wilmot, who coined the term secret tests, identified seven different ways in which people assess how important a relationship is to the other person involved. From the most commonly used categories to the least, the tests are as follows: endurance tests, triangle tests, indirect suggestion tests, separation tests, directness tests, asking third party tests, and public presentation tests.

When individuals use endurance tests, they get the other person to help or compliment them (particularly at a cost) or they get the other person to accept a certain amount of mistreatment without complaint (e.g., by being rude to that person). Triangle tests involve putting the other person in situations with others that test his or her fidelity and jealousy. Indirect suggestion tests involve interpreting the other person's reaction to minor attempts at more intimacy through touch, jokes, and hints. Separation tests involve evaluating the effort the other person goes through to reinitiate contact after separation. Directness tests, which are not actually secret, involve asking the other person directly how they feel about the relationship. Third party tests involve asking someone outside of the relationship how the other person feels. Finally, public presentation tests involve monitoring the other person's reaction to defining the relationship for others publicly.

Secret tests of relationship status are used when individuals are uncertain about their relationships. Sometimes uncertainty comes from individuals' own personalities or characteristics; sometimes it comes from the situation. Personality-derived uncertainty may be likened to insecurity. Individuals who most rely on secret tests are those who have low self-esteem, have an anxious attachment style, and are less trusting of others. Women use secret tests more than men, particularly triangle tests and separation tests. However, their reasons for using such tests may stem from their social roles or lack of power in society.

In terms of situation-based uncertainty, circumstances within the relationship are largely responsible for creating instability. Typically, individuals are uncertain when the relationship is new, when it seems to be changing (e.g., from friendship to romance), and when it is threatened by another person or by outside circumstances (e.g., a new good friend or more time spent at work). Individuals involved in cross-sex relationships that may be transitioning from friendship to romance use secret tests more than individuals in stable cross-sex friendships and romantic relationships. Specifically, they rely on separation tests and indirect suggestions to determine how their relationship partners feel about the relationship.

Theories that explain why individuals use secret tests of relationship status were developed from research on decision making, attributions, and personal relationships. They describe individuals' motivation for dealing with uncertainty related to all aspects of their lives, from health care to relationships. Several theories continue to be popular. These can be summarized into three main perspectives: those that assume that uncertainty reduction is a goal, those that assume that uncertainty reduction facilitates further decision making, and those that assume that uncertainty may be reduced, maintained, or enhanced according to the individual and the specific circumstances involved. For simplicity's sake, only the most common theory from each perspective will be summarized.

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