Personal Idioms

Defining and Categorizing Personal Idioms

Personal idioms are symbols or codes within the language of close relationships that have special meaning known only to those members. As people share a history, interact in a variety of situations, and come to know each other well, certain terms, phrases, or nonverbal gestures emerge within their conversations. Sometimes these expressions are adaptations of some famous line or scene in a movie, or a childhood nickname, or are simply the lingering phrase from goofy conversation, misspoken words, or word play. For whatever reason, these expressions are noticed and a meaning is assigned to them. From that point on, they become a shorthand way of communicating the meaning beyond the initial context.

One goal of researchers has been to identify the types of personal idioms that characterize close relationships. Perhaps the most widely accepted typology is that proposed by Robert Hopper, Mark Knapp, and Lorel Scott. These researchers collected [Page 1214]545 examples of personal idioms that they sorted into eight categories: (1) Expressions of Affection show love, caring, and appreciation (e.g., saying Hunch Nickle or pulling an earlobe to say I love you); (2) Partner Nicknames are terms of address for a close other (e.g., Boo, Tooty, Monkey); (3) Names for Others are labels for people outside of the relationship (e.g., Lady of the Lakes for a neighbor who flooded the streets when watering her lawn or Queen Kong for a strict high school teacher); (4) Requests and Routines are ways to communicate something in the presence of others without their knowledge (e.g., saying “The dog is calling” as a hint that it is time to leave a party); (5) Teasing Insults are humorous ways to tell someone that certain behaviors are bothersome without being directly critical (e.g., asking “Are you protesting?” when a partner forgets to lower the toilet seat lid); (6) Confrontations are also focused on bothersome behaviors, but without the element of teasing (e.g., a man says “Vickers!” to his wife Vickie when she becomes argumentative stemming from the name of a British machine-gun manufacturer); (7) Sexual Invitations are ways of indirectly initiating sexual interactions (e.g., a wife puts on a particular nightgown or a husband says “George is calling”); and (8) Sexual References and Euphemisms are terms for sexual intercourse (e.g., ride the merry-go-round) and “pet names” for sexual organs (e.g., Oscar or George for the penis, Jennifer for the vagina, and Sweet Pea for the clitoris). Some couples also have idioms for a woman's menstrual cycle (e.g., Aunt Bee is in town).

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