Obsessive Relational Intrusion

It is not uncommon for two individuals to possess incompatible goals and intentions for a shared relationship. For example, one person may desire romance but the other prefers a platonic friendship; one person may want to terminate a relationship that the partner wishes to continue. Such disjunctive relationships can lead to obsessive relational intrusion (ORI), in which one person persistently pursues interdependence with another person that the other explicitly eschews. This entry summarizes manifestations of ORI and reviews the factors that contribute to the occurrence of this phenomenon.

Many of the patterns of behavior that characterize ORI closely resemble ordinary relationship pursuit behaviors. The pursuer engages in activities designed to establish proximity, foster contact, seek affinity, reduce uncertainty, and cultivate closeness and interdependence. Because these behaviors are prosocial, and because the intention behind them may be unclear, the incompatibility of relational goals may take some time to be revealed. When these patterns of behavior are repeated or intensified despite overt rejection by the pursued individual, they become excessive and intrusive.

A single episode of unwanted pursuit does not qualify as ORI. Rather, ORI involves a pattern of unwanted behaviors across multiple episodes of interaction. The relative severity of ORI depends on the persistence of the obsessive pursuer. Mild persistence is annoying and pestering, but not particularly distressing. Indeed, some of the inconvenience experienced by the pursued person may be counterbalanced by simultaneously feeling flattered by the unwanted attention. Mildly persistent pursuit involves flirtation, ingratiation, and attempts to be in proximity to the pursued. This can include such behaviors as giving gifts, requesting dates, using third parties to obtain information about the pursued, approaching the pursued in public places, and making contacts via phone calls, instant messages, and the like. When pursuit becomes moderately persistent, it is more frustrating and troublesome to the pursued. The extended duration of ORI as well as the nature and frequency of the unwanted behaviors render the pursuit more exasperating and intrusive. Moderate ORI can include surveillance of the pursued person (e.g., spying, following); trespassing; harassing the pursued's family, friends, or coworkers; spreading false rumors about the pursued, and other behaviors that seem “creepy.” Severely persistent ORI is annoying and intrusive, as well as frightening and extremely worrisome. As such, it legally qualifies as stalking. Although stalking can occur for various motives, its most common impetus is the desire to establish or reestablish a relationship with the stalking victim. Ironically, some rejected relationship pursuers engage in threatening and abusive forms of harassment, sometimes in a desperate attempt to forge the desired relationship, and sometimes as a form of revenge for being rejected.

Various explanations for the occurrence of ORI have been proposed. Common among these are social skill deficits, personality aberrations, and mental disorders. Some persistent pursuers lack social skills that would permit them to seek affinity in appropriate ways and to recognize when their pursuit is unwanted and obsessive. It is not uncommon for some pursuers to have a history of failed relationships, and insecure attachment, particularly a preoccupied attachment style, is perhaps one of the most common explanations for ORI. Some obsessive pursuers are prone to experiencing possessiveness and morbid jealousy in their close relationships. Other pursuers suffer from disorders ranging from borderline personality to schizophrenia, and in rare cases, erotomania.

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