Narcissism, Effects on Relationships

What is Narcissism?

The term narcissism is derived from the Ancient Greek myth of Narcissus, popularized in psychology by Sigmund Freud. Narcissism is a personality trait that is characterized by a positive, grand iose, and inflated view of the self. Narcissists see themselves as better than others on traits such as social status, ability, creativity, and physical appearance. Narcissists also have an elevated sense of entitlement and believe that they are special and unique. Narcissism is also related to a lack of interest in forming emotionally close relationships with others. Finally, narcissism is linked with efforts to enhance and defend self-esteem. That is, narcissists seek opportunities that will make them look and feel successful and attractive. In its most extreme form, narcissism becomes narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This is a rare clinical condition that shares characteristics with narcissism.

Narcissism has consequences for a wide range of relationships. A good deal of research has examined narcissism in dating relationships, new or emerging relationships (i.e., acquaintanceships), and leadership and work relationships. There has been relatively little research on narcissism and parenting, marriage, sibling relationships, or long-term friendships. In general, the outcomes of narcissism are similar across the different relationship types; for example, narcissists' charm and confidence are useful for both finding dating partners and obtaining leadership positions.

The Narcissist's Perspective

From the narcissist's perspective, relationships are needed for maintaining and elevating self-esteem. This leads to an interesting paradox in narcissists' relationships. On the one hand, narcissists do not desire emotional closeness with others; on the [Page 1138]other hand, relationships are useful for inflating the narcissists' self-image. Relationship partners can serve this self-esteem enhancing function in several ways. For example, the narcissist can find an admirer or group of admirers, or associate with high-status people.

Narcissists are skilled at starting relationships. This skill allows narcissists to manipulate others into fulfilling their self-esteem needs. Narcissists tend to be confident, socially adept, charming, and manipulative. They report having relatively high numbers of dating and sexual partners and are likely to rise into leadership positions.

Once narcissists initiate relationships, however, they are problematic partners. Narcissists are relatively low in relationship commitment and more interested in finding other, better relationship partners. Narcissists are game-playing as well; for example, they tend to alternate between displaying and withdrawing commitment to a partner. They also are likely to set off two or more partners against each other. At worst, narcissists can be physically and sexually aggressive. This often occurs when narcissists feel threatened or rejected, or do not get their way. For all these reasons, narcissists' relationships tend to be short. When they do get married, the outcome is mixed. Some evidence indicates that narcissists can be satisfied and committed in some circumstances, but also are prone to be physically abusive and sexually unfaithful.

...