Metacommunication

Explicit Metacommunication

Metacommunication occurs explicitly and implicitly. When someone says, “This is an order,” or “I don't mean this as a criticism,” or “I'm really upset with you,” that person is telling the other explicitly how to interpret what is said. Explicit metacommunication serves as a verbal “frame” to guide the other's interpretation. As with any communication, explicit metacommunication may not match the receiver's experience of the speaker. For instance, if one has a habit of “joking,” but is really saying sarcastic things, when he or she labels it as “Oh, I was just joking,” the attempt at providing a frame may not match the other's experience. A good relationship occurs when the verbal frame provided matches with the other's experience—saying it was meant as a joke and the other interpreting it as a joke.

One of the skills personal counselors and therapists use is providing alternative “frames” or meta-communication labels for what clients are com municating. For example, if in a marital couple, the man says, “There she goes again, criticizing me,” the counselor may say, “That is interesting—it sounded to me like she was just being descriptive and didn't mean that as a criticism.” The counselor adds a different metacommunication label or frame, trying to help the man reinterpret the communication from his partner.

Explicit metacommunication can be seen as negative or positive. Early writers on metacommu-nication thought that in counseling, for example, most metacommunication was negative, such as “there he goes, trying to control me again.” However, explicit metacommunication serves positive functions as well. A competent person in the business world might say, “I need to talk about this issue with you so we can be ‘on the same page’ and you will feel more supported”—clearly, a [Page 1102]positive metacommunication. In personal relationships, positive metacommunication is often at the heart of good exchanges, by labeling exactly what one intended so the other will not misinterpret the verbal message.

In this example, explicit metacommunication is used in the conversation itself. One can also meta-communicate explicitly about the nature of the relationship. For instance, to say, “Julio and I are friends” is a form of relationship-level metacom-munication, so if the two of them hurl insults at one another, saying they are friends cues onlookers to their relationship—and how to interpret the exchanges. Romantic partners, who begin as friends and then become romantically involved, have to change their relationship-level metacom-munication, by exclaiming, for example, “Oh, yes, we were friends and now we are seriously dating.” Explicitly saying, “This is our relationship” is a form of metacommunication about how to interpret the exchanges. At times of relationship change such as this, it helps others interpret the communication by being explicit.

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