Love, Unreciprocated

Definition

Unreciprocated love (also known as unrequited love) refers to romantic love that is not mutual or shared by two people; it is defined as the experience of loving or feeling strong romantic attraction toward another person who does not return that particular feeling. Scholars who study this phenomenon point out that it is not necessary for people who are the objects of unreciprocated love to be actively hostile toward or openly rejecting of their lovelorn admirers; sometimes they may feel quite affectionate toward those individuals or the two may share a long history of friendship. The objects of affection may even have experienced some initial attraction to their admirers or were involved in a romantic relationship with them; however, at some point, their feelings changed or failed to develop into the deeper passion felt by their would-be suitors. The key issue is that, regardless of their personal history or the current state of their relationship, the objects of unreciprocated love do not feel the way their admirers do—they do not feel the same kind of passionate attraction, longing, and intense desire for intimacy that their admirers feel for them.

How Common is Unreciprocated Love?

There is little research that can provide a definitive answer to the question of how often unreciprocated love occurs. This is partly due to the fact that some people are likely to experience unreciprocated love fairly frequently, whereas others may never experience it at all. However, studies generally indicate that most men and women (close to 95 percent) have found themselves on both sides of unreciprocated love—that is, they have loved in [Page 1019]vain and have been loved in vain by another—by the time they reach their late teens or early 20s. Thus, unreciprocated love appears to be a common life event. Interestingly, women report having been in the “rejector” role more often than men, and men report having been in the “would-be lover” role more often than women. Some researchers speculate that this may stem from the fact that men tend to fall in love more readily than women (and therefore find themselves more frequently in the position of would-be lover), whereas women tend to fall out of love more readily than men (and consequently find themselves more often in the role of rejector).

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