Liking

Definitions of Interpersonal Liking

One conceptualization of liking comes from social learning theory. In this perspective, liking another individual does not differ from liking an activity, object, or experience. Social learning theory states that all behaviors result from the pursuit of a “reward” or some positive outcome. Thus, just as one might pursue an action because it feels good, one likes another person because being with that person provides benefits of some sort. Individuals differ in their perceptions of the benefits offered by another person (i.e., what is rewarding to some may not be rewarding to others) and can feel rewarded by numerous properties related to the other, such as the person's characteristics (sense of humor, physical attractiveness, status, or warmth), feeling liked in return, companionship, or access to tangible rewards or opportunities (money, transportation, networking). These rewards make the relationship appealing, and the individual comes to associate the other with positive feelings.

A second conceptualization of liking distinguishes liking from loving. Zick Rubin theorized that, although liking and loving are both attitudes toward another person involving positive emotions and positivity about that partner, liking does not involve physical attraction and desire, whereas love does. Rubin developed questionnaires to measure liking (e.g., “My partner is the sort of person that I would like to be”) and loving (e.g., “If I could never be with my partner, I would be miserable”), and researchers administer these items to determine an individual's feelings toward another person. It is clear from such items that Rubin considers liking to be a less complex attitude than loving, one that does not involve the same degree of investment in the relationship.

Other theorists categorize liking as one form of love. For example, Robert Sternberg describes three components of love: passion—arousal and physical attraction; commitment—devotion to and faith in the relationship; and intimacy—feelings of warmth, understanding, and connection to another person. These components, alone and in combination (e.g., the presence of passion vs. the presence of passion and intimacy), produce seven types of love. One of these types of love, referred to as liking, occurs when individuals experience intimacy without passion or commitment. In this instance, people positively regard each other and feel close without necessarily experiencing attraction or feeling committed. Another type of love in Sternberg's model is companionate love. As with liking, companionate love involves the intimacy component, whereby an individual feels close to another person without experiencing passion, but companionate love also includes commitment. Companionate love, then, is a stronger form of liking involving a desire to continue the relationship long term.

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