Lies in Close and Casual Relationships

Lying in Romantic Relationships

According to self-reports, lying is present in some degree in most romantic relationships. In one survey, almost all individuals (92 percent) admitted to having been deceptive toward a romantic partner. Although the number of self-described minor lies decreases in interactions involving a close relationship partner, the lies that do occur tend to represent more serious breaches of trust. In fact, almost two thirds of lies involving serious betrayals of trust involve people's closest relationship partner.

People reserve their most severe lies for those with whom they are romantically involved. Not surprisingly, diary study participants cite a wide variety of reasons for lying. Primary motivations for lying include attempting to get something someone feels entitled to, avoiding conflict, and efforts to present oneself in a favorable light.

Although lie tellers in romantic relationships often report that their deceptive behavior is driven by altruistic goals, such as to spare a partner's feelings, recipients of lies generally do not share the perspective that kindness and concern are the motivating factors of their partner. However, when the same individuals who report unhappiness at being the recipient of lies are placed in the position of being a “lie teller” as opposed to a “lie receiver,” they view their deceptive statements as [Page 970]altruistically motivated, justified, and induced by the lie receiver. Such research highlights that it is the social context surrounding a deceptive statement that gives the deceptive interaction its particular significance.

When explicitly seeking a dating partner or potential mate, deception is sometimes utilized as a strategy for attracting a potential companion. Social assets are exaggerated, and faults are hidden. Furthermore, men and women differ in their deceptive mate-seeking strategies. Consistent with widely held gender stereotypes, men are most likely to lie about their wealth and level of commitment, whereas women attempt to deceive men in regards to their physical appearance by using aids such as cosmetics. Additionally, although a significant degree of deception exists in the mate-selection process, most people are aware of and even expect deception as part of the courting process.

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