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Initiation of Relationships

Relationships go through many stages of development, but the first stage is always initiation. Although people (and scientists) do not usually refer to an initiation stage for family relationships, this stage is particularly relevant for voluntary relationships, such as romantic relationships and friendships. People select their friends and lovers, and therefore such relationships need to be initiated in order to exist. This entry summarizes several important aspects of the initiation stage of relationships, including the meaning of relationship initiation; how common relationship initiation is; diverse settings in which relationship initiation may occur; involvement of the social network in relationship initiation; the emotions, beliefs, and behaviors associated with relationship initiation; and the negative side to relationship initiation.

What Does Relationship Initiation Look Like?

Generally, relationship initiation refers to the beginning period of relationship development for voluntary relationships such as romantic relationships and friendships. Some theorists, such as George Levinger and Mark Knapp, have developed stage models of relationship development and argue that the first stage of the relationship includes such phases as first awareness of each other, first superficial contact, and the first communication behaviors, which express that the two are developing a connection or potential for a relationship. The relationship initiation stage is probably more distinct as well as more clearly recalled later for those whose relationships blossom quickly. For example, consider one hypothetical couple: Abby and Alex meet in a bar, e-mail and phone for a week after this brief meeting, and then begin dating. For them, first awareness, first superficial contact, and first communication of a connection occurred quickly and without too much time between each phase. Another hypothetical couple, Kate and Samuel, were in a class together their freshman year in college and talked occasionally, but then forgot about each other until they frequented the same coffee shop their senior year. It was months of running into each other at the coffee shop and chatting briefly before they realized their attraction for each other; another month passed before one suggested to the other that they should go to dinner. When was their relationship initiated? Months and even years spanned between their first awareness, first superficial contact, and the early communicative behaviors that expressed a desire to begin a relationship. Relationship initiation refers not only to the first time two people meet, but can also refer to the process of the relationship transitioning from one type of relationship (casual friendship) to another type (romantic). Laypeople, as well as experts on relationships, would likely consider the time period in which a pair transitions from casual acquaintances to dating partners as the initiation of the relationship.

In defining relationship initiation, Dan Perlman distinguished between “initiating interactions” and “initiating relationships.” As he notes, “initiating interactions” may lead to a relationship, but in many cases may fail to do so. Many pairs experience attraction for each other and initiate interactions that never develop into a relationship. More research is needed to explore why some initiating interactions lead to a relationship and others do not.

How Common is Relationship Initiation?

Compared with the time that people spend maintaining and nurturing their existing relationships (including family relationships), the time spent engaged in relationship initiation is relatively brief. Because there is a norm of exclusivity and monogamy associated with romantic relationships, most adults have only one such relationship at a time. Therefore, people who stay in a romantic relationship for a long period generally do not enter the initiation stage of a romantic relationship again unless their long-term romantic relationship comes to an end, either through dissolution or death of the other. Adolescence and young adulthood, however, is a time of experimentation with short-lived romantic relationships, and therefore relationship initiation behaviors are quite common at that time.

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