Information Seeking

Contexts of Information Seeking in Close Relationships

Gaining knowledge about someone is a necessary component of initiating a relationship with him or [Page 847]her. At the most basic level, individuals interested in developing a romantic relationship seek to discover whether there is a fit in attitudes and beliefs, and whether the person is available for, and interested in, such a relationship. Although there are many strategies that people use to discover whether someone is attracted to them, it is interesting to note that the most efficient form of information seeking in this case (e.g., “ask her or him if she or he liked me”) is also typically rated the least appropriate. That generally sums up the dilemma inherent to information seeking—be direct, but risk being inappropriate, or be indirect, but risk misunderstanding. Most studies show that individuals typically choose the latter. A whole host of other informational unknowns are tackled in this manner, among them the information exchange that contributes to sexual decisions. One would expect that a central feature of that exchange would be a sexual health discussion between partners. Yet considerable research suggests that such a discussion is relatively rare; if it does occur, it often comes after the first sexual encounter. Preliminary information about a partner's sexual health seems to often come from assumptions about physical appearance or, curiously, from discussions with friends who are believed to know the partner's past sexual history. This aversion to direct information seeking is also evident in that individuals often rely on “secret tests” of their partner to gain information about his or her level of commitment. For example, studies have shown that people sometimes choose to test their partner by acting in really negative ways (to see with how much they will “put up”) or by asking a friend to flirt with their partner and watching the partner's reaction to the flirtation. These forms of indirect information seeking wane across a relationship's life cycle. Yet indirectness remains a popular method of seeking information about a partner and reemerges as the primary method of gaining information during the dissolution and postdissolution phase of relationships, where inquiries about the partner's motivations and behaviors are either avoided entirely or are tackled gently.

Of course, romantic relationships are not the only close relationships in which considerable information is sought. The parent-child relationship is another that involves its share of information-seeking decisions. Two periods in the life cycle of this relationship are especially prone to such episodes—when children are in their adolescence and when parents are in or approaching old age. When children go through adolescence and young adulthood, they often engage in independence-seeking behaviors that place their parents in a precarious dilemma: seek information about suspicious behaviors and potentially violate their child's privacy, or turn a blind eye and hope for the best? Although violating privacy brings with it distrust and the potential for further rebellion, ignoring signs of dangerous activity may end with disastrous consequences for the family. A somewhat similar spike in information-seeking decisions comes near the end of life, but this time it is the adult child who faces the dilemma. Seek information about the parent's eldercare wishes and needs, or assume that she or he will reveal them when comfortable doing so? Unfortunately, studies suggest that people all too often choose the latter strategy and do not receive the information in time.

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