Ideals about Relationships

Origin and Nature of Ideal Standards

In New Zealand, Australia, the United States, hunter-gatherer cultures in Africa, and in many other countries and cultures, the same factors are important in mate selection: personality factors such as warmth and intelligence, attractiveness and health, and the possession of status and resources or the ability to gain them (e.g., ambitiousness). Moreover, there is remarkable agreement across both genders and cultures about which factors are more important in selecting mates for long-term relationships. Warmth and trustworthiness is rated number one, with physical attractiveness, good health, and status and resources typically coming in a close second.

But why are these particular kinds of mate standards universally important? One standard explanation is that they represent biological evolutionary adaptations, which implies that their presence confers reproductive advantages. A warm and sensitive partner is likely to be a supportive mate and a good parent. A partner with plenty of money and status (or with the ability and drive to attain such assets) will also have the means to look after the partner and the children. These two sets of qualities [Page 827]signal that the partner can offer good levels of investment for the family over long periods of time. Attractiveness, in contrast, is generally thought to signal good health, physical strength, and so forth (a good-genes factor).

Men and women have somewhat different standards in long-term relationships. Men give more importance to attractiveness and vitality than women; whereas women tend to give more weight to warmth, trustworthiness, status, and resources than men. These findings have been replicated consistently within Western cultures by research using standard rating scales or by analyzing the contents of personal advertisements, and these specific gender differences are widespread across cultures.

These gender differences are explained by evolutionary psychologists using parental investment theory (originally developed by Robert Trivers in the early 1970s). Mothers typically invest more time, energy, and resources in their children than men and are capable of having fewer children than men. Thus, the male's propensity and ability to invest in the children should matter more to women than vice versa. However, culture also plays an important role. Alice Eagly and Wendy Wood, for example, found that as women's empowerment (indexed by their earnings, their representation in legislative government, and their involvement in professional positions) increased relative to men across cultures, women placed less value on the status and earnings of a mate.

However, there also exist large individual differences that operate within gender. This means that, although there are mean differences according to gender in the importance attached to such standards, there also exists considerable overlap in responses. Thus, many women strongly desire a hot, passionate relationship, and many men are preoccupied with the search for intimacy and commitment. Both men and women will also trade off traits in different ways. Some will be happy to accept an individual who lacks ambition and drive if he or she is kind and supportive. Others may be willing to strike up a sexual relationship with someone who is less than honest if he or she happens to be strikingly beautiful. Of course, people have idiosyncratic standards as well, such as the expectation that their future partner will like the Rolling Stones or have an interest in stamp collecting. However, research shows that the standards held most firmly almost always fall into the three categories just mentioned.

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