Helping Behaviors in Relationships

What is Helping?

Helping behavior can take many forms, but the type of help most often studied in ongoing relationships is social support. Social support serves two broad functions: (1) to help others cope with stressful life events and (2) to facilitate their goal strivings. The first type of social support—assisting others during times of adversity—has been labeled safe haven support. This type of support involves the provision of instrumental aid (e.g., material resources, task assistance, problem solving) or emotional support (e.g., physical affection, comfort, understanding) that is intended to relieve another person's distress, assist that person in his or her coping efforts, and protect or promote his or her health and well-being. Research has shown that receiving social support during times of adversity helps individuals cope more effectively with stress and is associated with better health and psychological adjustment.

The second type of social support—assisting others in their goal pursuits—has been labeled secure base support. This type of support involves the provision of instrumental aid (e.g., material resources, information) or emotional support (e.g., encouragement, validation) that is intended to facilitate another person's goal-strivings, personal growth, and exploration. Research has shown that when people receive support for their goal strivings, they have higher self-esteem and self-efficacy, are more motivated to pursue personal goals, and more likely to make progress toward actually achieving these goals.

Two related lines of work examine other pathways through which partners help each other achieve their goals and celebrate their successes. First, research on the Michelangelo phenomenon shows that people are more likely to become the person they want to be (their ideal self) when a partner affirms and validates their ideal self and behaves in ways that help move them toward this ideal. Second, researchers have shown that partners play a critical role in helping each other capitalize on positive events. For example, when one person shares a success with another (a process called capitalization), the benefits of this success for that person's well-being are amplified if a relationship partner responds with active, enthusiastic support (e.g., by expressing pride and excitement or sharing the achievement with others). This research demonstrates that relationship partners play an important role in helping each other benefit from the good times, rather than just coping with the bad times.

Another form of helping behavior is willingness to sacrifice. Situations involving willingness to sacrifice arise when relationship partners have conflicting goals, needs, or preferences (through no necessary fault of either partner). Sacrifice occurs when one partner forgoes his or her own desires to allow the other partner to fulfill an important desire. Sacrifice is a form of helping behavior [Page 800]because it involves one person's willingness to forgo self-interest to respond to the needs of a relationship partner.

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