Goals in Relationships

General Social Interaction Goals

Starting with William James, psychologists have long believed that goal seeking is a fundamental aspect of human behavior. One early social [Page 764]psychologist named William McDougall proposed a list of instincts—such as fleeing because of fear and seeking because of curiosity—that guided all behavior. More recently, Susan Fiske drew attention to the interconnected goals of belonging, understanding, controlling, enhancing self, and trusting others in her BUCET (or bucket) framework. The goal of belonging leads people to seek out others to bond as dyads or become part of a groups. Our moods typically benefit from these associations, and our health, adjustment, and well-being may suffer if we are deprived of these social connections. The goal of understanding is instrumental to achieving a sense of belonging because we need to perceive others accurately to predict their actions and coordinate with them. In addition, a sense of understanding and certainty allows people to feel in control and is beneficial to health. Other people can promote our sense of certainty by agreeing with our opinions, providing us with social validation. The goal of controlling is evident when people strive for competence in their social interactions, often with the goal of assuming leadership or directing the behavior of others. When people feel that their sense of control is threatened, the need appears to grow stronger. For example, people with an ambivalent attachment style often feel suspicious of their partners, clinging to them in a jealous and controlling manner.

The goal of enhancing the self manifests itself in our efforts to keep our self-esteem at a high level and in our constant quest for self-improvement. Our interactions with other people are, of course, crucial to accomplishing this goal. For example, people seek out others who will provide social support by validating their opinions and complimenting them on their accomplishments. Just knowing that one is in a committed romantic relationship, in itself, can be a source of self-esteem for many people. One explanation for this increase in self-esteem is that the self “expands” when we form a close relationship, and this expansion increases our satisfaction with the relationship. Finally, the goal of trusting others, particularly those in our ingroup, allows us to maintain a sense of optimism and interact with others in a confident manner. When bad events do occur (such as interpersonal betrayal), they are typically unexpected and prompt a quick response to deal with them. People feel a sense of loyalty to their group that promotes cooperation and prepares the group to compete more effectively with outgroups.

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