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Flirting

What do peacocks displaying their plumes, strutting chimpanzees, and smiling women in bars have in common? Chances are they are engaged in flirting. Birds, nonhuman animals, and humans all engage in behavior designed to attract potential mates. These primarily nonverbal behaviors are designed to show off the individual's desirable traits (large, colorful plumes, big chest, or bright teeth, respectively), attract attention, and signal that one is open to “approach.” Scientists who study animal behavior, or ethology, have long studied how animals signal their interest and availability to potential mates. More recently, social scientists have begun to explore how humans do the same. This entry explores why humans flirt, how men and women flirt in cross-sex relationships, and why women and men may differ in their interpretations of flirting behaviors.

Why Do We Flirt?

From an evolutionary viewpoint, one of the most important task humans (and other animals) must accomplish is to locate a mate with whom they can reproduce. If humans fail at this most basic of duties, the species ceases to exist. To some extent, then, we are hardwired to flirt. It helps us attract the attention of potential mating partners. But why do happily married and committed individuals flirt with the mail carrier or the waitperson at the local café? They do so because flirting serves a variety of other purposes as well. Flirting validates others' sexual appeal, which provides enjoyment and enhances self-esteem; thus, flirting can increase liking and act as a “social lubricant” that makes interaction smoother and more successful.

Basic biological differences, however, have influenced men and women to develop different roles in the mate selection process. Because women can become pregnant and must devote years to any offspring produced, they have greater investment in being selective. Men, however, benefit from being less selective in that doing so increases their chances of mating and producing offspring while incurring relatively low costs. Therefore, women tend to control the early stages of mate selection by choosing desirable males to whom they signal their availability, often through flirting.

Verbal and Nonverbal Flirting Behaviors

Women initiate flirting by targeting males to whom they signal their interest nonverbally—often by displaying the “coy glance.” The coy glance refers to a sequence in which a woman begins by looking at a male and offering a quick smile, then drops and turns her head as she offers a sidelong glance. This is a flirting signal that Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt, founder of the field of human ethology, documented in cultures around the world. Other nonverbal signals of interest women use are the “head cant,” where the neck or the nape of the neck is exposed; the “skirt hike,” in which the legs are crossed so more of the leg is revealed; and the “forward body lean,” which signals interest as well as emphasizes the bosom and narrows the waist. Perhaps the most commonly enacted nonverbal flirting cue used by women is the hair flip—where a woman tosses her hair over her shoulder or uses her hands to move it about to draw attention. These behaviors occur frequently because they signal that one is open to being approached, and because they highlight physical attributes that reveal one is attractive, healthy, and sexually fit as a potential mating partner.

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