Fear of Death, Relational Implications

Introducing Death into the Science of Love

Recently, theory and research have documented the importance of close relationships as a third psychological resource (in addition to self-esteem and cultural worldviews) that affords protection against the potential terror engendered by death awareness. According to John Bowlby's Attachment Theory, the anxiety-buffering function of close relationships develops in early childhood, as highly immature and vulnerable infants' undiffer-entiated fears in response to threats impel them to maintain physical and emotional proximity to primary caregivers. (Such “attachment” is evolutionarily advantageous by keeping vulnerable babies close to be protected by their caregivers.) “Secure” attachment to caregivers—that is, the confident dependence of a child who appraises his or her caregiver as likely to respond to the child's distress—alleviates anxiety and promotes growth-oriented activities such as exploration, play, and affiliation. Thus, even in young children, fears related to self-protection, though preceding explicit death awareness, instigate the formation and maintenance of close relationships.

Parental provision of protection and sustenance provides children with positive feelings of safety and satiety and is at first provided unconditionally. During socialization, however, parents' approval becomes contingent on engaging in certain culturally prescribed activities (e.g., standing for the Pledge of Allegiance) and refraining from others (e.g., urinating in the swimming pool). Now children learn to associate feeling safe and secure with being “good” and anxiety and insecurity with being “bad.” This is how self-esteem initially becomes an effective anxiety buffer: positive self-feelings are remindful of parents' love and protection.

Later in childhood, youngsters realize that their parents are human and mortal and, thus, ultimately incapable of protecting them from life's dangers. Coincidentally, children recognize the inevitability of their own death. These developments compel children and adolescents to develop or adopt beliefs about the world that address existential issues, such as the origin and purpose of life and the meaning of death, in emotionally soothing ways. Consequently, they begin to (quite unconsciously) transfer their psychological allegiance from parents to the cultural worldview and garner self-esteem by adhering to standards of value associated with their social roles as fledgling members of their culture, in pursuit of literal (e.g., an afterlife) or symbolic immortality (e.g., living on through one's accomplishments or progeny).

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