Family Relationships in Young Adulthood

Changing Relationship with Parents

In early adulthood, the parent-child bond evolves toward a relationship between two adults rather than between adult and child. This is marked by a growing ability of youth to express differences and separateness while remaining emotionally close to parents. Nonetheless, parent and young adult offspring have not become equals in the relationship. Jeffrey Arnett's research with U.S. youth suggests that most young people in their late teens and early twenties will not think of themselves as fully adult, but as between childhood and adulthood. Goals for youth during this phase include increasing their independence from parents, taking responsibility for their own decisions, and becoming financially self-sufficient. At the same time, most young adults need both emotional and material support from parents to thrive. Research in this area has focused on U.S. and Western European youth. Its applicability to developing and non-Western countries has not been determined.

The interplay between young adults' needs for both autonomy and continued dependency on parents may be one of the strongest forces reshaping family relationships during this phase. The tasks that face both young adults and their parents often involve reconciling contradictory impulses. Parents need to acknowledge the adult status of their sons and daughters, relinquish control, and, at the same time, remain ready to provide the care and material support their offspring need to thrive. Young adults need to pursue independence from the family of origin while still relying on support from parents or other kin to enhance their ability to explore new roles. Parents and offspring need to negotiate their expectations about family obligations as young adults move toward financial and residential independence and establish their own families and households.

Maturity for young adults also means coming to understand their parents as individuals in their own right. Referred to as filial maturity, this involves adult children's growing ability to understand their mother and father apart from their parent roles, to appreciate a parent's unique life history, and to develop a deeper understanding of a parent's needs, desires, and worldview. Filial maturity implies becoming dependable to parents (rather than dependent on them) and is a precursor to becoming a source of support for parents in later life. Children's felt obligation to support parents grows stronger in early adulthood and is linked to increased reciprocity in parent-child exchanges of support.

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