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Family Relationships in Middle Adulthood

Family life for a midlife person is busy time, with significant changes and role transitions. Generally regarded as encompassing the years between 40 and 60, people during midlife typically experience significant changes in their family relationships, including caring for their parents and grieving their deaths, launching their young adult children, maintaining marriage/couple relationships, and becoming grandparents. In this entry, middle adulthood is defined, and then family relationships during this time are outlined, including relationships with children, grandchildren, partners, siblings, and parents.

Middle Adulthood Defined

A brief demographic portrait of midlife adults using U.S. Census data indicates that most are married and have children. Racial diversity exists, however, in marital status. Although 79 percent of Caucasian men and 74 percent of Caucasian women between the ages of 45 and 54 are married, only 62 percent and 51 percent of African-American men and women, respectively, are married. African-American midlife adults are more likely than are Caucasians to be either never married or divorced. Seventy-eight percent of midlife adults have at least two children, with 13 percent having five or more. A national study of midlife found that 70 percent of those married were in their first marriage, and 30 percent were remarried. In addition, 5 percent of the never-married, divorced, or widowed midlife adults were cohabiting.

Midlife is a demanding period of time for most adults. The number of significant roles a person occupies is related to increased role conflict, role strain, and overall stress. Adults accumulate roles in early adulthood, reaching a peak in midlife. Adult child, partnership, parenting, grandparenting, occupational, and community roles converge to create substantial strain in the lives of midlife adults. The time demands of midlife were highlighted in a recent national study of midlife couples. These couples, aged 40 to 50 years, were asked what they would change in their marriage relationship if they could change one thing. The most common theme was a wish that they could spend more time with their spouses. Twice as many responses addressed this theme rather than others such as children, sex, and money. Thus, many couples value their relationships and enjoy spending time together, yet the busy nature of their lives may interfere with couple time.

Relationships with Children

Midlife parent relationships with children are diverse. Although some parents have small children during this time, many have adolescent and emerging adult children. In addition, many middle adulthood parents have foster, adoptive, and stepchild relationships.

Parent-child relationships can be somewhat strained during middle adulthood because both parents and children are negotiating different levels of control, support, autonomy, independence, and responsibility. Regarding these goals, research has indicated that the well-being of parents in middle adulthood is related to the assessments they make of their children's accomplishments. Teenage and young adult children who mature, complete their education, gain experience with work and romantic relationships, and prepare to leave the home contribute positively to parental well-being. As children launch from the home, most parents experience a successful transition. In addition, parent-child relationships typically improve after children leave home.

Relationships with Grandchildren

Many parents transition into the grandparent role during middle adulthood. Although grandparents take different styles and approaches to interacting with their grandchildren, most are satisfied with these relationships. Often, the approach grandparents take is linked to the meaning that they derive from the relationship. For many, grandparenting is a formal experience, with occasional interactions, some indulgence, and little discipline. Others prefer a fun-seeking approach, engaging in the relationship with playfulness. Grandparents can become involved in their grandchildren's lives to the extent that they provide daily care and discipline. This is especially so among African-American and Hispanic households. About 6 percent of grandparents provide custodial care of their grandchildren, and this phenomenon is growing. Even though the stress of custodial grandparenting is associated with physical and emotional strain, grandparents find satisfaction in this role and report they would take in their grandchildren again if needed.

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