Expectations about Relationships

General Relationship Expectations

General relationship expectations are those assumptions and beliefs concerning how people typically behave, think, and feel in relationships, as well as the nature of different types of relationships. These general expectations are formed from people's acceptance of cultural norms, parental socialization, observation of other's relationships, and people's own experiences in relationships. Because of these multiple influences, general relationship expectations tend to be widely held among those in a particular society.

Cultural Influences

The normative expectation for choosing a marital partner in Western cultures is that love should exist between the partners. In other cultures, equal social status between marital partners may be the predominant expectation. Cultures transmit their expe c t ations through its institutions. Cultural expectations are transmitted through media portrayals of relationships, as well as by various societal institutions, such as the family (see further discussion later) or religious beliefs.

Parental Socialization

People's general relationship expectations also are influenced through parental socialization. [Page 561]Parents influence these expectations through direct teaching about what to expect in relationships and by modeling interpersonal behaviors. For example, parents are likely to teach their children about what to expect in marriage, for example, spouses support you, spouses can be trusted. Children also observe their parents' interactions with other married couples. This modeling of parental behavior in relationships can lead children to internalize expectations about how relationships typically operate.

Observation of Other People's Relationships

People have multiple opportunities to observe others' relationships. People observe relationships in various media, their own and others' families, and those of their friends. Through these observations, people learn to expect certain things in their relationships. Not all observations are equally influential in the formation of expectations. People are most likely to be influenced by people who are important or similar to them. Thus, it is not surprising that parents are a powerful force in the development of relational expectations in their children. Similarly, adolescents' observations of their peers' relationships should be particularly important in influencing relational expectations.

People's Own Relationship Experiences

The development of general relationship expectations is not solely a passive process of observation. People's direct experience in their own relationships is an important force in the formation of their general relational expectations.

The seeds of relational expectations are sown early in children's lives. Early research showed that parenting styles are influential in the development of relational expectations, although many other factors also are important. Parents who are loving, nurturing, and dependably respond to their children's needs promote children who trust and are comfortable relying on their parents and others. Other parents are inconsistent with their children, providing love and nurturing at times, but not at other times. Such parenting leads children to be anxious about their relationships and unsure that parents and others are trustworthy. Other parents are hostile in their parenting styles, with some displaying rejecting behavior toward their children. This parenting style can lead to children who emotionally withdraw and are distrustful in their expectations for others. Many researchers believe that these expectations acquired in early interactions with parents may carry over to their adult relationships. Consequently, in adulthood, some people will generally expect that others will like them and be trustworthy. These individuals are secure in their expectations about relationships. Some individuals will expect others to be relatively untrustworthy and undependable, whereas some people will expect others to be unpredictable, thus leading to insecurity in their expectations.

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