Embarrassment

Fundamental Motives

Our species exhibits a need to belong: We thrive when others accept us, and we suffer when others reject us. As a result, we routinely monitor what others are thinking of us, and we work to maintain desired images of ourselves for those whose judgments we value. The prevailing view of most theorists is that embarrassment operates as an alarm mechanism that helps us deal with untoward events that might engender social rejection. It occurs automatically to interrupt inept behavior and to promote remedial action when self-presentation fails and we face the dreadful prospect of undesired social evaluation.

Indeed, embarrassment depends on our ability to imagine what others may be thinking of us. People who are unable to comprehend what other people think of them—such as young children, autistic adults, or anyone with certain types of brain damage—are hard to embarrass. They have difficulty understanding others' points of view, so they may remain calmly unruffled in awkward situations that would discombobulate the rest of us. Only when their cognitive abilities are sophisticated enough to allow them to see things from others' perspectives (beginning around 10 years of age) do children begin to be embarrassed by some of the same subtle situations that embarrass adults.

Embarrassment is also rare when people genuinely do not care what a particular audience thinks of them. It is more frequent and more acute when people are especially sensitive to other's opinions. In particular, those who chronically yearn for acceptance and dread social disapproval react more strongly to social predicaments than others do.

Thus, we normally possess hardwired (innate) responses that occur uncontrollably when our motives to maintain desired images for others are thwarted. When embarrassment strikes, a distinguishing pattern of cardiovascular and adrenal arousal unfolds; notably, when dilation of capillaries in the face brings blood closer to the surface of our cheeks, we blush. This is a distinctive physiological reaction that is usually accompanied by a characteristic pattern of nonverbal behavior in which people avert their gazes, touch their faces, bow their heads, and try (but usually fail) to suppress sheepish grins that are recognizably different from smiles of real amusement. All of these reactions typically make a person's embarrassment easy to detect, so embarrassment affects our interactions with others, too.

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