Deteriorating Relationships

Typical Trajectories of Relationship Deterioration

Early studies attempting to assess the normative trajectory of marital satisfaction relied upon cross-sectional data from spouses married for different lengths of time. Studies in the late ′60s and early ′70s suggested that marital satisfaction followed a U-shaped path, with newlyweds having the highest levels of satisfaction, followed by steady declines through middle age, and recovering to near-newlywed levels following the empty nest period. Cross-sectional data can be misleading, however, because the data being compared are snapshots in time gathered from separate cohorts rather than the trajectory of a single cohort (data collected from 65-year-old couples today do not necessarily predict what will happen for 35-year-old couples 3 decades from now). In contrast, more recent longitudinal studies have shown a steady and linear decline in satisfaction over time. Other studies have found substantial variability in individual trajectories, with many couples rapidly deteriorating over the first 4 to 7 years of marriage and others sustaining high levels of relationship satisfaction over time. Approximately 10 percent of couples report increasing satisfaction over the first 4 years of marriage.

The Dissolution Process

Steve Duck has described relationship deterioration as involving several dynamic processes. For example, intrapsychic processes involve one or both partners reflecting privately on dissatisfaction with the relationship. Although women typically tend to brood about declines in communication, men tend to focus on the absence of valued behaviors (e.g., the preparation of favorite meals) or responsibility for domestic duties. Dyadic processes involve the weakening of the relational culture through failure to uphold established patterns (e.g., no longer kissing each other goodbye or hello, forgoing after-dinner conversations, and other relationship-defining rituals). Social support processes involve the dissatisfied partner sharing complaints with others to enlist support and empathy. If partners decide to part, then grave-dressing processes occur during which the partners construct a narrative that makes sense of the deterioration. Finally, resurrection processes involve each person moving toward a future without the former partner.

Trajectories across Transitions

Relationships are more likely to experience deterioration during times of transition. However, partners who successfully support each other through stressful transitions often report increased closeness. Stressful transitions include parenthood, the empty nest, and retirement, as well as acute and chronic circumstances such as disability, disease, and job loss. Researchers have found variability in couples' responses to stressful transitions. Most couples experience temporary declines in relationship satisfaction; for some, however, satisfaction improves.

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