Dependency paradox

Theory

The dependency paradox states that reliance and dependence on significant others is important for optimal functioning because it gives people the confidence they need to pursue personal goals, engage in independent exploration, and take on challenging activities. These behaviors, in turn, contribute to learning, discovery, increases in competency and self-esteem, and personal growth. The dependency paradox was extrapolated from Attachment Theory, which emphasizes the critical importance of relationships across the life span and asserts that attachment behavior (reliance on significant others)[Page 397]should not be discouraged but instead should be accepted as an intrinsic part of human nature and acknowledged for its role in promoting optimal human functioning. A major proposition of this theory is that throughout the life span the perceived availability of a responsive attachment figure (also called a caregiver or relationship partner) remains the source of feeling secure—and only when a person is feeling secure will he or she be able to explore most effectively, confidently, and autonomously. Perceived availability is important because responsive attachment figures are internalized as available, and this internalization allows one to move forward without repeatedly checking on the attachment figure's availability.

The dependency paradox emerges from Attachment Theory and indicates that an attachment figure's (or relationship partner's) acceptance of dependence creates less rather than more dependence. Contrary to popular opinion, individuals who are not accepting of dependence are most likely to foster anxious dependence in their relationship partners. The logic behind this idea is that it is much easier for people to engage in behaviors that will enhance their personal growth (e.g., accepting challenges, exploring, trying new things, and taking risks) when they know someone is available for comfort and assistance if things go wrong. This is because an individual who feels confident in the availability and accessibility of his or her secure base does not have to cling to that base as much as an individual who lacks such confidence. Just as a driver without an insurance policy may be reluctant to drive long distances or take unnecessary risks because of the heavy price if something were to go wrong, so too are individuals reluctant to take independent excursions away from a relationship partner who does not provide good coverage in the case of an emergency. In this sense, the ready availability and accessibility of a relationship partner is necessary for optimal functioning.

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