Dating, first Date

Contemporary courtship typically relies on dating as a way to initiate romantic relationships in the United States and in many other countries. Dating refers to informal interactions between two individuals with the implied intent of assessing each other's romantic potential but haves no specific commitment or goal. A graduated series of dates is considered the first step to a serious romance. The purpose of this entry is to describe sexual scripts for a first date, address how gender and sexual orientation affect the first date script, and briefly discuss some newer forms of first dates such as Internet and speed dating.

A first date is an easily identifiable and widely experienced event among young adult heterosexuals. Most of the research on first dates uses Script Theory as a framework. Scripts refer to the routine actions involved in familiar activities. For instance, “look at the menu” and “order food” would be [Page 381]some routine actions or script elements that would occur when eating in a restaurant. Sociologists William Simon and John Gagnon proposed the concept of sexual scripts as a blueprint for guiding sexual behavior specifically. Sexual scripts operate on three distinct levels: Cultural scripts refer to collectively developed scripts, interpersonal scripts refer to the use of a specific cultural scenario by an individual, and intrapsychic scripts pertain to private wishes and desires. Recent interest has focused on whether cultural scripts regarding gender roles in dating continue to guide interpersonal scripts and what new scripts or forms of dating are developing.

Cultural scripts for the first date are explicit, formal, and have remained stable over the past 40 years. A defining feature of the first date is its gender etiquette. This may be because the tendency to pose or conform to stereotyped gender roles is a characteristic of beginning heterosexual romantic relationships. Men are to initiate, plan, and pay for the date; engage in courtly behavior such as opening doors; and initiate sexual contact. Women are to fulfill a subordinate role by being alluring, engaging the man in conversation, and limiting sexual activity.

In research conducted on mostly White college students, young adults' descriptions of a hypothetical first date were found largely to conform to the cultural script of male initiation-female reaction. For instance, when listing the actions a woman [or man] would typically do on a first date with someone new, young adults described self-directed actions such as “decide what to do” and “initiate physical contact” as being unique to the man's script. Actions unique to the woman's script involved reactions such as “wait for date” and “accept [or reject] the man's moves” such as an “arm around shoulder” or a “kiss.” These findings suggest that the cultural script for a first date is very strong and familiar to young heterosexual adults.

Actual first dates closely conform to abstract cultural scripts. When women college students described a recent actual first date, 14 actions referred to what she did on the date (e.g., “groomed and dressed” and “talked, joked, and laughed”), and 6 actions were initiated by the man: “picked up date,” “opened doors,” “took date home,” “asked for another date,” “told date he would call her,” and “kissed goodnight.” Men

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