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Courtship, Models and Processes of

Courtship can best be defined by its overall objective and the behaviors that characterize this period in human relationships. Traditionally, the objective of courtship is to develop a relationship that leads to marriage. As societal customs and practices change, however, the more accurate objective of courtship may be to develop a relationship that leads to a long-term commitment—marriage, cohabitation, same-sex union. Courtship behaviors include dating and other activities that provide couples with information that can lead to such a long-term commitment. It is important to understand courtship because the nature and quality of courtship can influence the quality of later marriage and other committed unions. Relationship scientists have offered courtship models that specify a series of time-ordered stages that lead to marriage or committed relationships. More recently, the focus has changed from stage models to a perspective that acknowledges the various pathways that people take to marriage or commitment. This entry discusses the models of courtship that have been developed by relationship theorists and researchers. The discussion focuses on elements of each model and any shortcomings that may exist.

Models of Courtship

In early America, the method of choosing a mate was fairly straightforward. Choice of a partner was based on relatively rational factors: whether the man had sufficient resources to support a wife, whether they were of similar social status, and whether their parents approved of the potential marital partner. These factors were likely somewhat easy for potential partners to determine, but there is little doubt that deception was common between courting pairs. Over time, these rational factors became less important in choosing a mate; while at present, in the Western world, relatively intangible factors are more important in this choice. People seek relationships that promote love between partners, compatibility, and the potential to make each other happy. These less tangible factors are not as easily determined by a courting couple. Consequently, relationship scientists have proposed several models of how relationships move to marriage. The following sections discuss these models.

Compatibility Models

The first formal models of courtship assumed that individuals search for potential partners on the basis of compatibility, that is, how similar or different two potential partners are to each other. One of the earliest models of courtship was the complementary needs model, which embodies the idea that opposites attract. The complementary needs model suggests that individuals have needs that must be met, and therefore, people seek partners that are able to fulfill these needs. For example, if Jack has a need to be dominant in a relationship, the ideal partner, Jill, would have a low need for dominance so that Jack is able to be the dominant partner in the relationship. The perception that one's partner complements one's needs leads to development of the courtship.

In contrast to the complementary needs model, the similarity model suggests that potential mates are attracted to each other because they are more alike than different in social characteristics, values, and attitudes. This model represents the popular notion that birds of a feather flock together. According to this model, ideal partners are those who are similar on traits such as religion, age, ethnicity, values, and so on. For example, if Jack is a 20-year-old White Catholic, he would be more likely to choose Jill, a 20-year-old White Catholic, than Ann, a 35-year-old African-American Muslim. According to this model, similarity fosters compatibility because (a) individuals enjoy having things in common with others, (b) interacting with similar people validates the traits that provide individuals with feelings of self worth, or (c) they anticipate less conflict over differences in the future. Consequently, the perception of similarity is seen to stimulate the progression to marriage.

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