Courtship and Dating, Cross-Cultural Differences in

Theoretical Frameworks

Social exchange theory offers a rich framework for examining the initiation and development of pair relationships. It suggests that pair bonds occur within a social marketplace so that people are most attracted to and attempt to pursue relationships with those who are able to maximize their rewards (e.g., attractiveness, wealth, status, love) and minimize their costs (e.g., insecurity, inequality, exploitation, lack of social approval). As rational beings motivated by self-interest, humans will make choices that yield the most personal profit, yet they recognize that their partner needs to also find the relationship profitable in order to remain committed to it.

Using this marketplace perspective, the main differences between cultures lie in who conducts the negotiations for marriage, how explicit the bargaining is, and what criteria or currency of exchange are employed. Regardless of mate selection systems, criteria always exist for evaluating which potential mates are deemed more or less desirable. There can be surprising continuity across cultures in the attributes most desired in a mate. Bibiana Minervini and Francis McAndrew discovered that mail order brides (MOBs) from Colombia, Russia, and the Philippines, regardless of culture, were searching for the qualities of commitment, ambition, and sexual fidelity in prospective husbands. When cultural differences in criteria are observed, they often relate to the degree of autonomy in mate choice. In general, arranged marriages place higher priority on criteria linked to family background, reputation, and lineage, while free choice marriages focus more on personal criteria such as interpersonal attraction, personality, and romantic love.

Filter theory offers another useful framework to better understand how people sort through a pool of eligibles for potential mates. Consciously or unconsciously, people sift possible mates through a series of screens to narrow down the field. First, propinquity or geographical proximity impacts with whom people are most likely to come into contact. Despite the increasing use of the Internet to meet partners, physical distance makes relationships more challenging, so people are more likely to pair with people who live, work, or interact in the same region that they do. The social background filter enforces homogamy, suggesting that those who are similar in education level, religious beliefs, socioeconomic status, age, racial and ethnic heritage, and values and beliefs are more desirable partners. Endogamous expectations may dictate that a Muslim marry another Muslim, for instance. Cultural norms also prescribe who should be excluded from the pool. Kenyans typically eliminate those who practice witchcraft from consideration. Exogamy, the requirement to marry outside a certain group, would also apply. In some cultures, for instance, people are prohibited from marrying [Page 361]close relatives. Physical attractiveness may provide another filter, reflecting culturally socialized standards of beauty. The final screens are need complementarity or compatible personality and the balance sheet filter that determines equity in exchanges within the relationship. If mutuality and reciprocity exists, commitment is likely.

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