Conflict Patterns

Types of Conflict Patterns

Generally, conflict patterns fall into three types. The first is mutual engagement in which both people are actively involved in the discussion. In this pattern, if the problem is discussed constructively by both people, the outcome may be successful resolution of the conflict. However, if there is mutual escalation or negative reciprocity (i.e., back-and-forth negativity), the outcome is typically exacerbation of the problem.

The second pattern is mutual avoidance or mutual withdrawal in which both people actively avoid (walking away from one another, changing the topic) and/or passively withdraw (tune out, halfheartedly discuss, or remain quiet) from discussion of problems, thereby preventing heated conflict but also leaving problems unresolved.

The third pattern is demand-withdraw, when one person in the relationship actively pursues changes in the other, while the other person avoids or withdraws from conflict. The person in the demanding role may complain, criticize, blame, nag, or make demands. The person in the withdrawing role may actively or passively prevent confrontation or defend. This pattern has also been called other names by authors, including pursuer-distancer, rejection-intrusion, and nag-withdraw.

Conceptualization and Measurement

Although all three conflict patterns may be present in a variety of relationships (friends, lovers, siblings, parent-child, coworkers, etc.), they are most often studied in marital or romantic relationships. Of the three, demand-withdraw has become the most salient and widely studied. Although typically referred to as demand-withdraw, this name does not imply a causal sequence of demanding causing withdrawal. Instead, the pattern of demanding and withdrawing behavior is cyclical or bidirectional, which means that each person's behavior stems from and in turn exacerbates the behavior of the other. In other words, demanding does not cause withdrawing or vice versa, but both are present simultaneously, and each one typically causes the other to increase in frequency and/or intensity. For example, a wife whose husband avoids her attempts to discuss household chores responds with more [Page 308]intense forms of demand, which in turn exacerbates his withdrawal and her demands in an ongoing and mutually exacerbating cycle.

Conflict patterns are typically measured in two ways. The self-report method asks people to rate the likelihood of several different conflict patterns occurring in their relationship before, during, and after a typical conflict. Behavior observation of conflict is achieved by asking people to discuss a problem in their relationship while being audiotaped or videotaped, and then coders are trained to rate how much they hear or see conflict patterns occurring during the discussions.

Correlates and Consequences

Relationship researchers study conflict patterns to understand how they are related to the levels of satisfaction and stability experienced in relationships. For example, researchers want to understand what kinds of conflict patterns predict divorce. As expected, relationships are happier and longer lasting when more positive behaviors are displayed during conflict, whereas they are more dissatisfied and unstable when more negative behaviors are displayed around conflict. Specifically, distressed couples report and demonstrate more mutual escalation, mutual withdrawal, and demand-withdraw than nondistressed couples.

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