Compatibility

According to standard dictionary definitions, compatibility refers to the ability of two parties to peacefully coexist, whereas incompatibility refers to their inability to do so. Metaphorically, this distinction can be illustrated by the difference between one set of gears that are precisely matched to each other and a second set of gears that are badly mis-mated. Well-matched gears operate together in a smooth, synchronized manner; mismatched gears grind and grate against each other, producing heat, noise, mutual wear and tear, and sometimes, a complete mutual inhibition of movement.

Obviously, human relationships are far more complicated than the movements of a set of mechanical gears. However, in the human context as well, the essential distinction between a smooth coordination of respective movements (compatibility) versus a grating clash of respective movements (incompatibility) is equally valid. Given this basic distinction, the current entry reviews some important factors that directly influence compatibility in close relationships, and then concludes with a brief consideration of marital interaction and options for treating marital incompatibility.

A formal theoretical account of the difference between compatibility and incompatibility has been provided by Ellen Berscheid, who focused specifically on the intra and interchained activities of the relationship members:

Each individual has many different goals, plans, and habit patterns, and it is a constant challenge for each individual to juggle, sequence, and align them in a way that minimizes the possibility of their conflicting with each other as intrachained activities. It is an even greater challenge for two individuals—as relationship partners—to not only juggle, sequence, and align their individual goals, plans, and habit patterns but at the same time avoid disrupting each other's attempts to accomplish this task through the interchained, interconnected activities that represent all of the ways in which they are behaviorally and cognitively interdependent with each other. Because the potential for such disruption is often present and hard to avoid, the task of maintaining a compatible relationship is, at times, a difficult and complicated one.

Theory and research findings suggest that compatibility depends to a large extent on the partners' ability to understand each other and to anticipate each other's respective thoughts, feelings, goals, motives, and habitual and planned behaviors. Such understanding enables the partners to preemptively avoid disrupting each other's interchained activities (although such disruptions may, at times, be initiated intentionally—often for the purpose of avoiding an even greater anticipated disruption later on). Among the many factors that affect such understanding are the ones described below, as identified by various contributors to William Ickes's edited book, Compatible and Incompatible Relationships.

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