Boredom in Relationships

Relationship boredom refers to a specific type of relationship challenge in which one or both members of a couple feel that the relationship or the partner has become uninteresting, unexciting, and lost all feeling or “spark.” Unlike traditional obstacles in relationships (such as arguments, betrayal, and so on) that focus on the presence of negative emotions and negative relationship processes, relational boredom is best thought of as an absence of both positive and negative affect and an absence of motivation. Although all interpersonal relationships are susceptible to habituation or boredom, it is likely to be most perilous for romantic and marital relationships. Despite its potentially serious impact, there is very little research on boredom specific to relationships. This entry describes current research on relationship boredom, its underlying concepts and definition, potential causes and consequences of relational boredom, and methods for reducing it. Stephen Vodanovich, a principal researcher on boredom in general (not relationship specific), and his colleagues have defined boredom as a low-arousal, dissatisfying state that is attributed to an inadequately stimulating situation. Boredom may also be viewed as a personality trait, strongly affecting some people but only weakly (or not at [Page 187]all) affecting others. In the relationship field, Shelly Gable and Harry Reis have situated relational boredom within a two-dimensional framework of relationship processes as representing the low ends of positive and negative relationship processes (affective and motivational). Rather than consisting of a specific affective or motivational state, boredom appears to coincide with a lack of highly affective states and motivational goals. That is, someone feeling bored is unlikely to experience high-arousal emotions (such as rage or exhilaration) or have strong motivation to achieve goals or avoid undesirable consequences.

The account of relational boredom as a lack of something is consistent with current relationship research and with assessments of layperson's conceptions of boredom. For example, self-expansion theory suggests that people are most satisfied in relationships when they are continually expanding their sense of self and their perceptions of the partner and relationship. Early in a relationship, expansion is rapid and associated with feelings of excitement. Eventually, though, as couples become more accustomed to each other, expansion slows and the consequent loss of this rapid self-expansion may result in a loss of excitement, a lack of growth in the relationship, and an onset of boredom. Studies investigating laypersons' concepts of boredom have identified several central features including lack of interest, lack of excitement, loss of newness, feeling nothing, and lack of motivation. In contrast, the presence of negative qualities (e.g., arguing) is not identified as central to relational boredom, suggesting that people characterize boredom as representing a “lack of something,” either positive or negative, in their relationship.

Boredom, essentially, may be viewed as an outcome of the process of habituation that occurs when a person becomes accustomed to a given stimulus after repeated exposure, which thereby becomes less interesting or exciting. For romantic relationships, this may be represented as a lack of change or growth in the relationship or as an absence of tending to a partner's needs required for sustaining relationship satisfaction. Partners who routinely engage in the same activities together and who always act (and react) predictably toward each other could become overly comfortable with the repeated habits and end up bored.

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