Beliefs, destiny versus growth

People often bring their own assumptions and beliefs about how relationships function when they enter a romantic relationship. What people believe about relationships guides their goals and motivations in developing relationships. Carol Dweck distinguished between the belief that attributes such as intelligence are fixed versus flexible.

The concept of destiny and growth beliefs is derived from applying this more general distinction to the specific case of romantic relationships. Destiny and growth beliefs reflect assumptions about how one can initiate and maintain relationships. Destiny belief concerns the stability of one's early impressions about relationships and reflects the belief that potential relationship partners are either compatible or not. Independently, growth belief concerns the maintenance and development of relationships and reflects the belief that relationships improve with effort and that challenges can be overcome. Together, these beliefs guide how people orient toward and interpret events as the relationship develops. These beliefs help guide how events and situations are interpreted within one's relationship.

People who believe more strongly in destiny attempt to determine the compatibility of their partner and the future potential of the relationship based on minimal information. They place high value on determining whether a relationship is meant to be and tend to diagnose the potential of the relationship based on specific events. Indeed, relationship survival is linked to initial satisfaction for those who believe more strongly in destiny. When those who hold stronger destiny beliefs initially feel more satisfied, their relationships last particularly long; whereas when they initially feel less satisfied, their relationships end quickly. A stronger belief in destiny is associated with a more judgmental approach to relationships so that flaws of character or initial awkwardness are thought to be permanent. Thus, when problems arise, those higher in destiny belief are more likely to view the problem as a sign that the relationship is not meant to be. Indeed, destiny belief tends to be associated with disengaging from the relationship when there is a problem.

Those who believe more strongly in growth are primarily interested in developing the relationship and believe that relationships can be improved with effort and maintenance. They believe that successful relationships are developed by conquering obstacles and growing closer. Indeed, growth belief predicts fewer one-night stands during the first month of college and dating a particular person for a longer period of time. Moreover, when there are problems, growth belief predicts a greater number of attempts to maintain the relationship by using a variety of coping strategies.