Bank account Model

Nearly everyone is familiar in theory, if not in practice, with the function of financial savings accounts. Money that is not required for day-to-day existence or an occasional indulgence is deposited into a savings account for a rainy day. Thus, depending on one's current financial situation, the account's balance continually shifts up and down. In the same way that one's savings vary, so too do romantic relationships. In some cases, relationships flow smoothly with both partners supporting each other and sometimes sacrificing for the good of the relationship. However, partners may on occasion behave badly, at times engaging in actions that endanger the relationships' strength and longevity. How can relationships persist when relational rainy days are unavoidable? One proposal comes from marital researcher John Gottman, who suggests that relationships may have accounts that function much like financial bank accounts.

According to the Bank Account Model of relationships, couples have an account that tracks their positive and negative interactions. Deposits are made when partners sacrifice self-interest to make the relationship a priority, show their love for each other, and pay attention to each other's interests. Withdrawals are made when partners are insensitive, inconsiderate, or put forth little or no effort to demonstrate the importance of the relationship. According to research, romantic partners who attend to and care for one another experience the relationship more positively. For instance, if Jane casually mentions that she would like to learn more about wine and her husband John signs them up for a wine tasting class despite his own lack of interest in wine, John demonstrates that he cares about the things that matter to her and that he is putting the relationship first. Likewise, if Jane beams at John after hearing about his successful project at work, Jane's pride and adoration makes John feel loved and respected. Such actions lead to a deposit in the relational bank account. If, however, John allowed Jane's desire to learn about wine to slip by unnoticed or if Jane pointed out that John's success was not very important, withdrawals from the bank account would result.

Research demonstrates that a partner who supports the individual's ideal self (e.g., encouraging the individual to strive for a desired goal, finding ways to bring out the individual's desired qualities) leads to greater satisfaction in the relationship. For instance, if John considers himself shy but wants to become more outgoing, Jane might facilitate this by hosting a dinner party and bringing up topics of special interest for John to share with their guests. Over time, Jane's demonstrations of responsiveness and support can accumulate into a surplus or a credit in the relationship bank account. This abundance of positivity may lead individuals to think the best of their partners, seeing each other through rose-colored glasses. This generosity in perceiving the partner, called positive sentiment override by many researchers, may improve conflict resolution perhaps because partners are aware that they love and respect one another in spite of the current relationship difficulty and want [Page 148]to maintain the relationship. If Jane blows up at John for no apparent reason, John may stifle a nasty retort because previous positive interactions have built credit in their relationship bank account. Instead, John makes an effort to understand Jane's frustration so that they can work through it. In this way, deposits to the bank account contribute to long-lasting, healthy relationships.

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