Alternative Relationship Life Styles

Cohabitation

One of the most increasingly common alternatives to the nuclear model is the prevalence of different-sex cohabitation before marriage. Cohabitation refers to two intimately involved, unrelated adults, who live in the same residence. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, there are 4.9 million unmarried different-sex households. The rates of cohabitation are even higher in many European countries. [Page 86]Research indicates that cohabitation in the United States is a contemporary stage for many in the trajectory toward legal marriage. About half of all Americans cohabit before marriage, and within the first 5 years, about 55 percent of cohabiting couples will marry and 40 percent will break up. Despite that many cohabiting couples may desire to enter the nuclear family model, they still challenge the ideal, which was once more commonly held, of sexual abstinence before marriage. The 2000 U.S. Census indicates that 41 percent of cohabiting households have children under the age of 18 sharing the home.

Committed Unmarrieds

Of the different-sex couples that cohabit, some are committed in their relationship but consciously choose to be unmarried and do not view cohabitation as a step toward legal marriage. The reasons people choose to be marriage-free vary; for example, some decide not to marry as a form of active resistance to the traditional gender roles that historically define husband and wife. Other research indicates that some heterosexual couples choose not to legally marry because they feel as though marriage is an exclusionary institution that actively discriminates against gays, lesbians, and polyamorous family groupings. In addition, there is evidence that people forgo legal marriage because of their fear of divorce, financial penalties, inability to afford or conscious revolt against the expenses associated with the marriage ceremony itself, and the desire to limit the role government and religion play in their lives. Finally, some people choose not to legally marry because they simply do not feel any need or desire to do so and because they do not feel as though marriage would change their level of relationship satisfaction or commitment.

Same-Sex Relationships

In the United States, heterosexuality is upheld as the cultural ideal, and thus, same-sex relationships are viewed as alternative. Despite being viewed as unconventional, the 2000 U.S. Census indicates there are 1.2 million Americans living with a same-sex partner, of which, male same-sex couples accounted for a slightly higher percentage (51 percent) than female same-sex couples. Some same-sex couples, and individuals, wish they had the legal right to enter into the institution of marriage, whereas some samesex couples, or individuals, do not. In any case, the question as to whether or not the right to legally marry should be extended to same-sex partners has been at the forefront of many contemporary political debates and has occupied a good deal of the time in many state and federal legislatures, both domestically and internationally. Currently, Belgium, Canada, The Netherlands, South Africa, and Spain allow same-sex marriages. In the United States, as of January 2009, Massachusetts is the only state that extends the legal right to marry same-sex partners. According to the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, the federal government does not recognize same-sex marriages, thereby leaving the decision to the discretion of each individual state and giving each state the right to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages licensed in other states. As such, same-sex couples who legally marry in Massachusetts are not entitled to any federal marriage benefits and are not likely to have their marriage recognized by any other state. Other states have created marriage alternatives for same-sex couples. Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New Hampshire have a legal civil union option; a handful of states (e.g., California, Oregon) and a variety of counties have domestic partnerships available. It is commonly understood that these alternatives are not equally comparable to legal marriage, as they do not grant the same privileges, are not nationally recognized, and are often publicly and legislatively contested.

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