Affirmation

Michelangelo Phenomenon

The term Michelangelo phenomenon was coined by Caryl Rusbult and her colleagues to describe the process by which close relationship partners help sculpt the self into one's ideal form—the person whom one aspires to be. Two important subprocesses are included. Perceptual affirmation describes the degree to which close partners see in oneself a preferred ideal form. In research studies, perceptual [Page 59]affirmation is measured by endorsement of self-report items such as, “My partner thinks I have the traits and dispositions that I believe are most desirable.” Behavioral affirmation describes the degree to which the other behaves toward the self in a manner that facilitates personal progress toward the aspired-to ideal self. This form of affirmation is measured by endorsement of items such as, “My partner helps me become what I ideally want to be—he/she elicits the best in me.” In this tradition, affirmation resembles a self-fulfilling prophecy—when the behavior of close others is aligned with one's aspirations and personal goals, partner beliefs can become reality and people can progress toward their ideal selves.

One of the ways that perceptual and behavioral affirmation facilitates progress toward one's ideals is by selecting appropriate situations in which the ideal self can flourish. Because the lives of close partners tend to be mutually intertwined, close relationships influence the situations in which one enters. For example, if a close partner understands one's desire to be more assertive and if the partner perceives in oneself the possibility of being more assertive, his or her supportive influence may help one enter into situations that provide opportunities to be assertive. Over time, as these situations recur, beliefs, expectations, and skills are bolstered, and actual assertiveness may develop. Perceptual and behavioral affirmation has been shown to increase self-esteem, life satisfaction, and emotional well-being of the developing person, likely because of the partner's support in moving the actual self toward the ideal self. Consequently, movement toward the ideal self also increases relationship satisfaction between the sculptor and the sculpted.

The opposite can also occur—when close others fail to provide affirmation, or see and behave toward the self differently than one's ideals—the worst might be brought out. For example, if the partner's ideal for oneself does not match one's own ideal, his or her behavior might induce self-development that is antithetical to one's aspirations. Because affirmation operates in the manner of a self-fulfilling prophecy, one's incorrect perception and behavior influences situation selection, and consequently, one might not be presented with situations in which assertiveness can be developed. This might also occur when close partners misinterpret one's goals and aspirations and instead focus on a secondary or tangential goal (e.g., by focusing on one's pleasant compromise after a failed negotiation rather than on how one could have utilized assertiveness). Second, partners might also fail to provide support for one's goals either by ignoring them or, in the worst case, undermining them. In both cases, these failures to affirm are associated with impaired personal development as well as with negative affect and decreased relationship satisfaction between the sculptor and the sculpted.

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