Accommodation

Even in the best relationships, close partners do not always treat each other with care and kindness. In interdependent relationships, it is inevitable that partners will sometimes behave in a manner that is potentially destructive to the relationship. For example, a partner might be rude or insulting, may neglect to spend promised time with the other partner, or may otherwise disregard the other partner's needs. When faced with destructive partner behaviors, the other partner has a choice: to respond in kind or to accommodate. Accommodation refers to responding to a partner's destructive act by inhibiting the impulse to reciprocate with another destructive act and instead behave in a constructive manner. For instance, if Bill criticizes Mary's taste in music, Mary could accommodate by choosing not to criticize Bill in return and instead calmly initiate discussion of their difference of opinion or simply let the moment pass without comment. This entry explains the concept of accommodation, the factors that may motivate interdependent partners to accommodate, and how accommodation may benefit close relationships.

Caryl Rusbult and her colleagues first identified accommodation as an important part of relationship interdependence. They defined accommodation in terms of the exit-voice-loyalty-neglect (EVLN) typology of responses to dissatisfaction in relationships. According to this typology, responses to dissatisfaction vary along two dimensions: Responses are constructive or destructive to the relationship, and responses actively or passively address the problem at hand. There are four categories of response: Exit involves actively harming [Page 12]a relationship (e.g., yelling at the partner, leaving the relationship), voice involves actively attempting to improve the situation (e.g., discussing the problem, seeking advice from a therapist), loyalty involves passively waiting for the situation to improve (e.g., turning the other cheek in the face of criticism, hoping or praying for improvement), and neglect involves passively letting the relationship deteriorate (e.g., avoiding discussion of problems, ignoring the partner). Thus, accommodation can be defined as responding to a partner's exit or neglect behavior with voice or loyalty.

Furthermore, Rusbult proposed that when a partner acts in a destructive manner, the individual's first impulse is to reciprocate as a means of self-protection. For example, when Bill criticizes Mary, she may feel insulted and demeaned. If Mary's response is based on her immediate self-interest, she is likely to retaliate to regain her dignity or to seek revenge. However, such retaliation would likely escalate the conflict, potentially harming the relationship. If Mary forgoes her self-interest and instead acts in a conciliatory manner, their relationship may benefit. Thus, Mary faces a dilemma: to enact a self-interested response that is potentially destructive to the relationship or to enact a personally costly, relationship-oriented constructive response. Interdependence theory distinguishes between the given situation and the effective situation in interdependence dilemmas such as this one. The given situation involves an individual's self-centered, gut-level preferences that are based on the immediate, personal outcomes that he or she may obtain from an interaction. If Mary's behavior is guided solely by the given situation, then she is likely to retaliate. However, individuals often do not act on their given preferences alone; instead, they take into consideration broader concerns, such as their long-term goals for the relationship. If Mary considers that she is committed to her relationship with Bill and wants it to endure, then retaliation—which may damage the relationship—no longer seems desirable. By considering broader issues, Mary has transformed the given situation into the effective situation, and it is the effective situation that directly guides her behavior. Research has provided empirical evidence that this sort of transformation of motivation underlies the accommodation process.

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