Living A Legacy

The lives we lead are in themselves a legacy—mostly for good but sometimes not—although we may give little thought to what that legacy might contain. The immensely wealthy are able to leave a living legacy in the form of charitable foundations named after individuals or families who are thought to be inspirational, such as Ford, Fulbright, or Rockefeller. Such structured benevolence serves as a guiding light, be it through a devotion to art, education, medicine, or environmental protection.

A living legacy for most of us will be memories for family and friends and, for a few, an impression made on a larger stage. Some find it hard to contemplate their own demise but for those who can, thinking about the legacy they wish to leave enables them to generate a list of what they want to achieve and prioritize competing claims on their time and energy. Some goals are externally directed—for example, popular lists of 100 places to visit (or eat) before you die (a form of tourist and restaurant promotion)—in pursuit of new experiences. Others are more inclined toward a reflective lifestyle, mindfully appreciating and living the moment.

A positive awareness of the inevitability of death can intensify our appreciation of life. It encourages us to be more open with family members and to challenge the taboos that surround the subject, thus increasing the likelihood of achieving a “good” death, one without regrets. However, for many the reality is a sense of anxiety and denial about their own demise. Death anxiety stems from three possible sources: past-related regrets, futurerelated regrets, and the meaningfulness of death. Regrets are mostly caused by unfinished business usually concerning (a) relationships and reconciliation with loved ones, mostly apologies and forgiveness issues in intimate relationships, and not having the opportunity or ability to express love; (b) completion of key life tasks such as witnessing the marriages of children or attending the graduation ceremonies of grandchildren; (c) personal challenges or commitments like running a marathon, writing a book, making a dress, or helping to build a school for AIDS orphans; and (d) failing to fulfill personal promises to family and friends, for example, giving up smoking, repaying a debt, or writing a letter of introduction.

Creating a Shared Legacy

Although these issues affect all of us, they may be felt more intensely by those from collectivist cultures—for example, Chinese, Latino, and Jewish—where family relationships and individual identity are closely interwoven and where individual achievements are frequently perceived as family achievements. A satisfying and meaningful life with gratifying relationships, opportunity to finish unfinished business, and adequate closure leads to a peaceful departure from this world.

The ways that individuals share their lives and create legacies for others vary. Writing an autobiography is a popular form of sharing one's life. Family members may also produce their own written recollections of the departed, usually focusing on their strengths, talents, and virtues. Poems, artwork, portraits, and songs may also be used to promote the collective memory of individuals or communities. Those left behind often turn to religion and spiritual comfort in a search for the meaning of loss. In a survey of emotional responses to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in the United States, 90#x0025; of respondents reported turning to religion as a direct consequence. It is the unexpected death that often causes the most distress, especially when it involves people who have much of their lives left to lead. But this can also create opportunities for a tangible and life-saving legacy—organ donation. In some ways this is the ultimate act of altruism, as many such donations are made to unrelated people. Not everyone is [Page 667]comfortable with this kind of legacy but for those who are it creates the feeling that death was not entirely in vain and consoles the bereaved with the sense that their loved one still has a living presence on this earth.

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