Instrumental Grieving: Gender Differences

Therapists' Views

In one study conducted during the 1990s, the analysts evaluated the views of certified grief counselors and therapists as these pertain to gender differences in grief. Their sample did hold to the belief that men and women expressed grief differently. To wit, men were perceived as less likely to express strong emotions and more likely to use diversions such as work, play, sex, or alcohol as avoidance strategies in lieu of grieving. Therapists reported that men were more likely to respond cognitively, and to use anger as a primary mode of emotional expression. Women were perceived as more likely to express grief affectively and to seek support. The counselors in the sample also found differences in the expectations and support men and women experienced from others. Others expected men to get over their loss more quickly and be able to function more effectively. Women were seen as needing and receiving more emotional support, but others also viewed women as more of a social risk who would be more likely to break down in normal social situations. The result was that these therapists reported their women clients received more comfort-oriented support but fewer [Page 610]opportunities for normal social activity than their male counterparts.

Despite these differences in the expression of grief and the support level they are likely to receive, the counselors in this project did not report differences in outcomes. In fact, the therapists surveyed saw different risks for each gender. In their view, men were more at risk for certain types of complicated grief reactions, while women were more prone to depression or chronic mourning.

Gender-Based Studies of Grief

The perspective of therapists, explicitly or implicitly, is grounded in much of the research that shows a difference in the ways men and women grieve. Summarizing the extant literature that addresses this issue, during the late 1990s Terry Martin and Kenneth J. Doka note the following:

• Research on widows and widowers has shown that widows and widowers face different problems in grief. For example, many widows report financial distress and note the emotional support provided by their spouse. Widowers were more likely to report disruptions of their familial and social networks. Widows were more likely to seek emotional support, while widowers found solace in exercise, work, religion, creative expressions, or more destructively in alcohol.
• Many of these same results are evident in the loss of a child. Mothers reported more emotional distress than fathers. Strategies in dealing with the loss differed by gender. Women tended to use more support-seeking and emotion-focused strategies, while men were more likely to intellectualize their grief and use more problemfocused strategies to adapt to the loss.
• Studies of the loss of a parent also showed that middle-age sons were less likely than daughters to experience a high intensity of grief and somatic manifestations, and more likely to utilize cognitive and active approaches in adapting to loss.
• Differences between genders seem less apparent in older cohorts. This may reflect the idea that individuals become more androgynous as they age.
• Differences in gender are also affected by other variables, such as social class, cohort, and cultural differences.
• The research on differences in outcome is quite mixed. Some studies have shown men to have better outcomes, others show women to do better, while still other studies show no significant difference or mixed results in outcome (i.e., men do better on some measures, women on other measures).

This research does have implications for counselors. Whether one evaluates this difference as resulting from gender orientation or as patterns influenced by gender, the results suggest that different responses to loss can affect relationships within the family when a loss to that family is experienced. Assisting individuals to identify and discuss the ways they deal with loss and helping families to address how these differences affect each other's grief are important outcomes.

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