Coping with the Loss of Loved Ones

To be involved in close relationships inevitably means that one will eventually experience the loss of a loved one. Those who experience such loss are usually surrounded by people in mourning, which is a powerful and stressful emotional state that is rooted in the unconscious psychological reactions to a loss. Grief, although not considered an illness, may nevertheless be so severe as to jeopardize the individual's life. There is no time [Page 224]frame for grief and, in some cases, it involves subtle factors that can result in self-destructive behavior in the grieving person. Such self-destructive behavior may involve alcohol or drug abuse, malnutrition, disorders related to the neglect of oneself, including the disregard of a prescribed medical regimen or commonsense precautions, and even a seemingly unconscious boredom with life. Successful coping with the loss of a loved one is critical to maintaining the course of social activity.

There are different reactions to the death of a loved one, depending on the age, marital status, social class, ethnicity, and the circumstances of those left behind. The death of a child is a devastating experience for parents. The death of a spouse or a partner involves the loss of a chosen relationship, companion, lover, parent of one's children, friend, and soulmate. Such loss can result in feelings of disorientation, uncertainty, and confusion as one may need to take on roles and tasks previously carried out by the deceased.

Premature Death

Premature death may be incurred in various ways—deliberately by human hands (such as in homicide, suicide, war, and death sentences meted out by the State), as a result of nonhuman creatures (e.g., bacteria and animals), or as a result of accidents. Loved ones who have lost a significant other as a result of suicide are generally called “survivors.” Among people who have lost a loved one, survivors of suicide represent the largest group of mental health casualties. The loss of a loved one by suicide is often shocking, painful, and unexpected, and the grief that ensues can be intense, complex, and long term.

In the case of the sudden death of a loved one due to unexpected events, such as natural disasters including earthquakes, large-scale explosions, or disasters in general, there are unique reactions to the event. The “disaster syndrome” consists of a combination of emotional dullness, unresponsiveness to outer stimulation, and inhibition of activity. Individuals who have just experienced a disaster are apt to suffer from at least a transitory sense of worthlessness, and their usual capacity for self-love becomes impaired. In other cases, psychic shock is a common reaction followed by motor retardation, flattening of affect, somnolence, amnesia, and suggestibility. Moreover, a process of “psychic closing off” has been reported in loved ones who lost a dear person in a catastrophic event; this closing off can last from days to even months or can become a more lasting psychic numbing.

Although most people adjust to the trauma surrounding the death of a loved one, and are able to successfully move on to live full and satisfying lives, there are circumstances when adjustment to such loss is difficult. In these cases, acute grief does not resolve (thoughts and memories of the deceased remain accessible but are no longer preoccupying)—the permanence of the loss and the thoughts related to it are neither comprehended nor integrated into attachment-related long-term memory.

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