Siblings

Sibling relationships are those relationships that a person has with a brother or sister. The relationship[Page 1172] that develops between siblings is one of the longest-lasting relationships individuals will have throughout their lives. A relationship with a sibling has been established long before one meets a partner or spouse and will last long after one's parents have died. Not only is this one of the longest-lasting relationships, but nearly 80% of children in the United States have at least one sibling. The quality of the relationship between siblings has significant developmental consequences for children and adults. When we speak of quality, we are talking about the type of relationship that exists between siblings with respect to the amount of conflict and rivalry, as well as the amount of affection or closeness in the relationship. Children with warm and friendly sibling relationships are often more caring and share with their brothers and sisters in the early years of childhood and as they reach adolescence can become very effective teachers for their younger siblings. Adult siblings with close ties to their brothers and sisters often use them as confidants and a source of social support. Elderly individuals often report that their relationships with their siblings are some of the last remaining sources of support in their later years.

Conflict and rivalry between siblings is often commonplace, and many parents are concerned about the extent to which their children have disagreements or fight with one another. Although living in a household with squabbling siblings may sometimes be annoying for parents, children and adolescents involved in sibling conflict are learning life-long skills about successful conflict resolution and the fact that others can have perspectives different from their own, skills that will serve them well as they start to establish friendships outside the home. Sibling rivalry and friendly competition between siblings can also foster academic achievement and motivate the children to set higher personal goals and to persevere in meeting those goals.

Even though conflict, warmth, and rivalry can have developmental benefits, this is so only when the conflict or rivalry occurs in the context of a warm and caring relationship between siblings. Sibling relationships characterized by intense rivalries and feelings of hatred toward one another or those involving high levels of aggression and destructive behavior can have devastating consequences for the children involved. Not only do children in such hostile and aggressive relationships risk physical harm at the hands of a more powerful bully, but there are also severe psychological consequences, including lower self-esteem, feelings of loneliness, and in some cases depression. Furthermore, the aggressive exchanges between siblings cannot only escalate conflict and hostile feelings toward one another, but children and adolescents in these destructive relationships often learn that aggression against others is an acceptable means of settling conflict and they can be seen using similar forms of aggression with their peers in school. More aggression and violence occurs between siblings in families than any other family relationship, and as a result, parents may believe that “kids are just being kids” or “all siblings fight” and they will eventually outgrow it. Rather than dismissing physical aggression between siblings as something that all kids do or a stage they are going through, parents would be well advised to intervene early to diminish such dangerous and damaging behavior between their children.

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